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Aug. 15th, 2022
(no subject)
Aug. 15th, 2022 12:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
conulyDear Carolyn: I am tired of walking on eggshells. I’m the older of two sisters and growing up my parents were very strict with both of us. It was over-the-top strictness, but I also realize it was a cultural thing and they were kind of victims of cultural expectations, too.
I responded by trying to live up to their unrealistic expectations: I got the grades they expected, went into the career they expected, was always outwardly respectful of them, etc. I do carry a lot of resentment because I never got the nurturing I needed, and I think the only reason I maintain a good relationship with them is that I keep in mind what they’ve been through, immigrating to this country, and their good but misguided intentions.
My sister on the other hand, reacted by becoming everything they hate: unconventional job, fun hair colors, piercings and tattoos. As a consequence she had a terrible experience with my parents and as an adult completely cut them off. I wish she hadn’t but I’m completely sympathetic to why she did.
She stays in contact with me only if I don’t divulge any important information about her to my parents. They are always asking and it is hard to stay within my sister’s limits — nothing about her relationship especially. She married recently and is trying to get pregnant, and keeping all of this from my parents is such a burden.
My sister definitely wants our relationship to continue, and so do I, but I think her expecting me to hold such a hard line is unreasonable. Do you agree?
— Tired of Walking the Line
( Read more... )
I responded by trying to live up to their unrealistic expectations: I got the grades they expected, went into the career they expected, was always outwardly respectful of them, etc. I do carry a lot of resentment because I never got the nurturing I needed, and I think the only reason I maintain a good relationship with them is that I keep in mind what they’ve been through, immigrating to this country, and their good but misguided intentions.
My sister on the other hand, reacted by becoming everything they hate: unconventional job, fun hair colors, piercings and tattoos. As a consequence she had a terrible experience with my parents and as an adult completely cut them off. I wish she hadn’t but I’m completely sympathetic to why she did.
She stays in contact with me only if I don’t divulge any important information about her to my parents. They are always asking and it is hard to stay within my sister’s limits — nothing about her relationship especially. She married recently and is trying to get pregnant, and keeping all of this from my parents is such a burden.
My sister definitely wants our relationship to continue, and so do I, but I think her expecting me to hold such a hard line is unreasonable. Do you agree?
— Tired of Walking the Line
( Read more... )
(no subject)
Aug. 15th, 2022 03:12 pmconulyDear Amy: My husband is the executor of his parents' will.
He is the second of their three children and the oldest boy.
His parents have, at best, a strained relationship with their daughter, “Anne.”
As a result, they have named Anne in their will only to state that she will get nothing when they are gone.
They won’t tell Anne about their choice, but often tell my husband, “You can deal with her!" when the time comes. They say that the look of disappointment on her face will be priceless.
My question is, why can't they tell her now?
I have asked them, and their answer is that it “…has to be a surprise!”
I really don't understand why they can't be the ones who see the look on her face, if that is what is so important to them.
Why do they want to leave the "dirty work" for my husband and destroy his relationship with his sister?
I believe that if she knew now, she would "move on" with her own life, instead of trying to please them before they are gone.
There is no law that states that the contents of a will can't be revealed prior to death, is there?
I feel that they are putting my husband in a terrible position by making him the bearer of their wishes, and that his sister will try to pressure him to change the terms of the will after their death.
It is all very involved, but I believe they would be doing everybody a favor if they just told her what their decision is now, before they are gone.
What do you think?
– Upset In-law
( Read more... )
He is the second of their three children and the oldest boy.
His parents have, at best, a strained relationship with their daughter, “Anne.”
As a result, they have named Anne in their will only to state that she will get nothing when they are gone.
They won’t tell Anne about their choice, but often tell my husband, “You can deal with her!" when the time comes. They say that the look of disappointment on her face will be priceless.
My question is, why can't they tell her now?
I have asked them, and their answer is that it “…has to be a surprise!”
I really don't understand why they can't be the ones who see the look on her face, if that is what is so important to them.
Why do they want to leave the "dirty work" for my husband and destroy his relationship with his sister?
I believe that if she knew now, she would "move on" with her own life, instead of trying to please them before they are gone.
There is no law that states that the contents of a will can't be revealed prior to death, is there?
I feel that they are putting my husband in a terrible position by making him the bearer of their wishes, and that his sister will try to pressure him to change the terms of the will after their death.
It is all very involved, but I believe they would be doing everybody a favor if they just told her what their decision is now, before they are gone.
What do you think?
– Upset In-law
( Read more... )
Abby gives terrible advice
Aug. 15th, 2022 03:37 pmconulyDEAR ABBY: I come from a large, close family. The majority of them live in another state. A couple of family members live in the same state I reside in. One night, my uncle came over and we were hanging out having drinks. We both drank too much and at some point, he started to kiss my neck. I told him to stop because he is family, and he did. Luckily, nothing more happened. The next day he texted and called profusely apologizing. I have been hurt, sad and angry ever since. He wanted to talk about it, but I didn't.
We still see each other at family get-togethers since there are only a few of us out here. I haven't told anyone, and it's hard to keep this to myself, but I'm afraid that if I say something, it could cause a rift in my family. How do I get through this without hurting them? Should I confront him and tell him how this made me feel? Should I confide in a family member? Or must I just pretend it didn't happen? -- EMOTIONAL IN ARIZONA
( Read more... )
We still see each other at family get-togethers since there are only a few of us out here. I haven't told anyone, and it's hard to keep this to myself, but I'm afraid that if I say something, it could cause a rift in my family. How do I get through this without hurting them? Should I confront him and tell him how this made me feel? Should I confide in a family member? Or must I just pretend it didn't happen? -- EMOTIONAL IN ARIZONA
( Read more... )