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agonyaunt2022-08-15 12:42 pm
minoanmiss) wrote in agonyaunt2022-08-15 12:42 pm
Entry tags:
Dear Prudence: Help! A Woman Broke Up With Me the Moment She Saw My Apartment.
She said she wanted authenticity, but I guess she didn’t like it.
I’m feeling really blindsided by a recent breakup, of sorts. I (male, 25) met a woman, Betty, on a dating app about two months ago, and we went on several dates over the course of a month. Through our conversations we have talked a lot about authenticity and honesty in relationships, and she said that she doesn’t play games. We went on four or five dates before she invited me to her place where she cooked a fantastic meal and I spent the night. I offered to host our next date and suggested pizza and board games, and she enthusiastically agreed.
On the day of that date, she texted to confirm the time and said she was really looking forward to it. I was too and was going to ask her to be my girlfriend. When she arrived, she seemed off and uncomfortable. I was hoping it was just nerves and was trying to make conversation. After only about 10 minutes she abruptly got up and said this wasn’t going to work out and that she would be leaving now and wished me the best. I asked her what was wrong, and she said “Well honestly it doesn’t seem like you’re ready for guests” and gestured around my apartment. Admittedly I don’t prioritize chores, but I did make an effort. I cleared off the kitchen table and made sure there was space for us to play games and have a couple plates out. I thought she wanted to get to know me so I wasn’t worried about the rest. I was honestly shocked given that she had been saying she wanted to know the “real me.”
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I texted her a few days later and told her how confused I was about that night. She texted back that she was thankful for that date because I was honest and authentic with her, but that authenticity does not replace basic manners.
— What Do Women Actually Want?
Dear Actually Want,
Certainly some women actually want to play games and get to know you in a dirty living room with just enough space cleared for a couple of plates. But Betty is not one of them. The question you pose in your sign-off makes me want to remind you that not all women are the same, and there are no rules about what they’re allowed to see as a deal-breaker. The person who wants to eat pizza amid your clutter and will see it as a beautiful exercise in authenticity is out there. You’re much better off getting back on the apps and looking for her than trying to convince someone not to be disgusted by the way you live.
I’m feeling really blindsided by a recent breakup, of sorts. I (male, 25) met a woman, Betty, on a dating app about two months ago, and we went on several dates over the course of a month. Through our conversations we have talked a lot about authenticity and honesty in relationships, and she said that she doesn’t play games. We went on four or five dates before she invited me to her place where she cooked a fantastic meal and I spent the night. I offered to host our next date and suggested pizza and board games, and she enthusiastically agreed.
On the day of that date, she texted to confirm the time and said she was really looking forward to it. I was too and was going to ask her to be my girlfriend. When she arrived, she seemed off and uncomfortable. I was hoping it was just nerves and was trying to make conversation. After only about 10 minutes she abruptly got up and said this wasn’t going to work out and that she would be leaving now and wished me the best. I asked her what was wrong, and she said “Well honestly it doesn’t seem like you’re ready for guests” and gestured around my apartment. Admittedly I don’t prioritize chores, but I did make an effort. I cleared off the kitchen table and made sure there was space for us to play games and have a couple plates out. I thought she wanted to get to know me so I wasn’t worried about the rest. I was honestly shocked given that she had been saying she wanted to know the “real me.”
ADVERTISEMENT
I texted her a few days later and told her how confused I was about that night. She texted back that she was thankful for that date because I was honest and authentic with her, but that authenticity does not replace basic manners.
— What Do Women Actually Want?
Dear Actually Want,
Certainly some women actually want to play games and get to know you in a dirty living room with just enough space cleared for a couple of plates. But Betty is not one of them. The question you pose in your sign-off makes me want to remind you that not all women are the same, and there are no rules about what they’re allowed to see as a deal-breaker. The person who wants to eat pizza amid your clutter and will see it as a beautiful exercise in authenticity is out there. You’re much better off getting back on the apps and looking for her than trying to convince someone not to be disgusted by the way you live.