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Two letters to Annie on a theme
Mar. 12th, 2021 02:33 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
conulyDear Annie: My sisters and I always took turns having the family Christmas at our respective houses. Six years ago, it was my turn to be the hostess. I was in the kitchen all morning cooking. As everyone arrived and was going through the buffet line, I noticed no one was taking much food. Some were not even getting a plate. I asked why my daughter wasn't eating anything. She said she ate too much at my older sister's earlier. I felt like a train hit me. My sister said she just "ended up" having a brunch at her house for whoever wanted to stop by to pick up extra gifts. It turns out that she had baked a ham, made several casseroles, prepared a big vegetable tray, salads and a few desserts. She had invited our entire family except my husband and me.
was pretty upset and said, "Well if I'd known you were going to have something at noon, we would have just came to your house, too, and I wouldn't have spent the time all morning cooking and preparing for everyone to come here." She said, "Well, that's why I didn't tell you, because I knew you would be mad."
She didn't apologize and ended up leaving shortly after by going to get her and my brother-in-law's coats and waving a Merry Christmas, saying they had to be somewhere and left. My Christmas was ruined.
All I can gather is that she moved into a condo earlier in the year and wanted to have everyone for Christmas. Had she asked me if she could've hosted Christmas, then I gladly would've let her.
Since then, I've hardly seen my sister. She started "forgetting" my birthdays. She still kept in touch with my daughters, and her husband and daughter have come to my house for get-togethers. But she always says she's too busy.
I'd just like to know what you think about what happened. Was I being overly sensitive about the Christmas meal? Obviously, she never intends to apologize for the disaster, and I'm sure it's too late now anyway. I just wonder what an outsider would think. -- Sidelined Sister
( Read more... )
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Dear Annie: This has bothered me for a while, and I just can't get over it. My brother got divorced when his children were very small. His ex, "Susie," always said that we, "the family," were the cause of their divorce, even though Susie cheated on him. I have dealt with it over the years and decided it is not my problem or my fault, and I'm over that part of my life. My brother and Susie did a fine job of co-parenting their children, who have now grown into decent adults.
Here is the problem. Five years ago, my niece was getting married. The wedding day was on my 50th birthday. When we received the invitation for the wedding, it was addressed to my husband. And in an afterthought, "and guess" -- yes, they misspelled "guest" -- was scrawled beneath his name on the envelope.
I know that Susie was the one who addressed the envelope, and she was intentionally snubbing me. I was hurt that they couldn't even put my name on the invitation, or at least have addressed it to "Mr. and Mrs." followed by our last name. We have been married for 15 years. And besides, I'm the one more closely related to my niece. My husband is only related through our marriage.
I was sure that a confrontation would have happened between Susie and me if I'd gone. I didn't want to do that to my niece on her big day.
Because of that, and because I wasn't really invited, I decided to skip the wedding and celebrate my 50th birthday instead. Well, it bothered my brother -- a lot. And in the five years since, he's hardly spoken to me.
Since our dad passed away earlier this year, I've called my brother several times. He doesn't answer the phone. A couple times, I've called my mom's house, and he's answered. But he's quick to hand off the phone to her and hardly says a word. So now I've stopped calling or texting. Obviously, it still bothers him that I didn't go. Now I'm an outcast to the family. My mom is the only one that speaks to me. I love my brother. I never expected him to get this mad. What I'm wondering is this: Should I have just bit the bullet and put my feelings aside and went to the wedding? What can I do now? -- Not Really Invited
( Read more... )
was pretty upset and said, "Well if I'd known you were going to have something at noon, we would have just came to your house, too, and I wouldn't have spent the time all morning cooking and preparing for everyone to come here." She said, "Well, that's why I didn't tell you, because I knew you would be mad."
She didn't apologize and ended up leaving shortly after by going to get her and my brother-in-law's coats and waving a Merry Christmas, saying they had to be somewhere and left. My Christmas was ruined.
All I can gather is that she moved into a condo earlier in the year and wanted to have everyone for Christmas. Had she asked me if she could've hosted Christmas, then I gladly would've let her.
Since then, I've hardly seen my sister. She started "forgetting" my birthdays. She still kept in touch with my daughters, and her husband and daughter have come to my house for get-togethers. But she always says she's too busy.
I'd just like to know what you think about what happened. Was I being overly sensitive about the Christmas meal? Obviously, she never intends to apologize for the disaster, and I'm sure it's too late now anyway. I just wonder what an outsider would think. -- Sidelined Sister
( Read more... )
Dear Annie: This has bothered me for a while, and I just can't get over it. My brother got divorced when his children were very small. His ex, "Susie," always said that we, "the family," were the cause of their divorce, even though Susie cheated on him. I have dealt with it over the years and decided it is not my problem or my fault, and I'm over that part of my life. My brother and Susie did a fine job of co-parenting their children, who have now grown into decent adults.
Here is the problem. Five years ago, my niece was getting married. The wedding day was on my 50th birthday. When we received the invitation for the wedding, it was addressed to my husband. And in an afterthought, "and guess" -- yes, they misspelled "guest" -- was scrawled beneath his name on the envelope.
I know that Susie was the one who addressed the envelope, and she was intentionally snubbing me. I was hurt that they couldn't even put my name on the invitation, or at least have addressed it to "Mr. and Mrs." followed by our last name. We have been married for 15 years. And besides, I'm the one more closely related to my niece. My husband is only related through our marriage.
I was sure that a confrontation would have happened between Susie and me if I'd gone. I didn't want to do that to my niece on her big day.
Because of that, and because I wasn't really invited, I decided to skip the wedding and celebrate my 50th birthday instead. Well, it bothered my brother -- a lot. And in the five years since, he's hardly spoken to me.
Since our dad passed away earlier this year, I've called my brother several times. He doesn't answer the phone. A couple times, I've called my mom's house, and he's answered. But he's quick to hand off the phone to her and hardly says a word. So now I've stopped calling or texting. Obviously, it still bothers him that I didn't go. Now I'm an outcast to the family. My mom is the only one that speaks to me. I love my brother. I never expected him to get this mad. What I'm wondering is this: Should I have just bit the bullet and put my feelings aside and went to the wedding? What can I do now? -- Not Really Invited
( Read more... )