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conulyDear Therapist,
My husband and I are both successful professionals. He’s an attorney and I’m a nurse practitioner. Each of us came from a fairly lower-middle-class background and worked hard to get where we are. Our families helped us as much as they could, but for the most part we are self-made.
The hard part is our kids. Our son struggled with some mental-health issues in high school. He was a national merit scholar and eventually graduated from college. He’s now obese, working for minimum wage, and living with his polyamorous nonbinary partner of 11 years. He’s angry at us. We say nothing much of consequence to him and see them often and have a pleasant enough time.
Our daughter is also angry at us. She excelled in everything she did in high school and college, but had a serious rift with her sorority senior year and an abusive boyfriend; she moved to Seattle to be a barista and declared herself pansexual. She spends eight hours a day on Twitter railing at our homophobia and our control of her life.
We never supported our children financially after college. Our son never asked, and after a few rent bailouts after our daughter’s boyfriend left, we told her she needed to live within her means.
We are thinking about retirement. We are sad for both of them, who are now 33 and 25. Should we help them financially? Buy them condos, pay for more schooling, get them cars? It seems like the majority of our friends have done this for their kids, and their relationships are better.
Our kids were raised very frugally compared with their friends. They worked, did chores, and didn’t have any of the latest electronics. But they did have love, picnics, hiking, camping, vacations, games, and books. We gave them tons of time and experiences. We supported their passion for music and horses and art.
We’re torn between having a conversation with them and maintaining the status quo. We’re trying to adjust to likely not having grandkids and our kids continuing on with their sad jobs for the rest of their lives. Any advice?
Anonymous
( The missing reasons aren't even missing here! )
My husband and I are both successful professionals. He’s an attorney and I’m a nurse practitioner. Each of us came from a fairly lower-middle-class background and worked hard to get where we are. Our families helped us as much as they could, but for the most part we are self-made.
The hard part is our kids. Our son struggled with some mental-health issues in high school. He was a national merit scholar and eventually graduated from college. He’s now obese, working for minimum wage, and living with his polyamorous nonbinary partner of 11 years. He’s angry at us. We say nothing much of consequence to him and see them often and have a pleasant enough time.
Our daughter is also angry at us. She excelled in everything she did in high school and college, but had a serious rift with her sorority senior year and an abusive boyfriend; she moved to Seattle to be a barista and declared herself pansexual. She spends eight hours a day on Twitter railing at our homophobia and our control of her life.
We never supported our children financially after college. Our son never asked, and after a few rent bailouts after our daughter’s boyfriend left, we told her she needed to live within her means.
We are thinking about retirement. We are sad for both of them, who are now 33 and 25. Should we help them financially? Buy them condos, pay for more schooling, get them cars? It seems like the majority of our friends have done this for their kids, and their relationships are better.
Our kids were raised very frugally compared with their friends. They worked, did chores, and didn’t have any of the latest electronics. But they did have love, picnics, hiking, camping, vacations, games, and books. We gave them tons of time and experiences. We supported their passion for music and horses and art.
We’re torn between having a conversation with them and maintaining the status quo. We’re trying to adjust to likely not having grandkids and our kids continuing on with their sad jobs for the rest of their lives. Any advice?
Anonymous
( The missing reasons aren't even missing here! )