Two controlling men for the price of one!

[conuly]

These are from the same Ask Harriet column, so I'll link at the top.

1. DEAR HARRIETTE: I bought some expensive shoes, and my husband found out and told me to take them back to the store. Bills are tight, and he was counting on using the money to buy our car new tires. I took them to the store, and they told me they don’t give refunds. My husband was understanding and told me to keep the shoes, that I deserve them and he would figure out a way to get the money for new tires.

I felt guilty for not talking to him before a big purchase, so I was able to sell the shoes to someone and get the money back. But my husband was upset that I got rid of the shoes after he told me to keep them. He feels like I keep undermining him as a man, but I was only trying to right my wrongs. I’m so confused. Did I do the right thing? -- Gender Roles

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2. DEAR HARRIETTE: My fiancee and I are police officers. We met on the job, and I would tell her while we were dating that one day I would marry her, and she could quit the job so I would know she would be safe.

Now that we are engaged, I brought up the topic of her quitting, and she just keeps brushing it off and making excuses. I didn’t make a fuss because I know she loves the job. Now she is pregnant and still wants to work desk duty until she delivers the baby and wants to return to work after delivering the baby. I don’t think we both need to be working full-time and putting our newborn baby into daycare. How can I approach this conversation and get her to understand where I am coming from? -- Stay at Home

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Daughter Dishes Out Criticism but Can't Take It From Mom

[conuly]

DEAR ABBY: Recently, I kindly and lovingly gave my daughter some feedback on how she berates her husband in front of my 8-year-old grandson. I told her I didn't want him to grow up thinking that's how we treat the people we love. To make a long story short, she said that if I wanted to estrange myself from her, I had succeeded. I remained calm and loving and told her she could use the feedback if it was helpful, or ignore it if it wasn't. She has now blocked me!

My daughter has had no compunction over the years about informing me about my shortcomings, but went into a rage when I spoke about her behavior. Although it breaks my heart that my daughter has cut me out of her life, my real concern is losing contact with my grandson. Fortunately, my son-in-law is still relaying messages to him, but what about when I want to visit my grandson? I have always stayed with my daughter and her family. -- HEARTBROKEN IN ANOTHER STATE

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