Ask Amy: Toddler-tornado makes a messy guest

[conuly]

Dear Amy: My wife and I recently bought a house and we have decided on a few rules to keep the place as clean as possible.

I invited my sister and her three kids to stay with us for the next two weeks, and while we already explained the house rules several times, the youngest child (he's 3), always manages to create a mess. I don't blame him (after all, he is a child), but my wife gets really irritated and takes it out on me.

I offered to clean the mess, if my wife would let me know. But every time this occurs, we have an argument.

I think my wife feels she's making all the sacrifices for me and my family. When we visit her family, I always try to be open and understanding (they are from another country), and I actually love it.

Today my wife snapped in front of the kids.

At first, she was so excited about this visit, but today she told me that the next time I have someone over, she will go to visit her family because she doesn't want to sacrifice anymore.

This is hurtful to me since my family has always been gracious and generous toward her.

Good Husband

( Your wife has to tell you the house is messy? )

Dear Prudence: Roommate's Sometime Girlfriend Wants to Use My Bathroom

[raine]

Dear Prudence,

I rent a house with three other people. I pay a bigger portion of the rent for the master bedroom with the private bathroom. It is also the only bathtub in the house. “Jon” lives upstairs. He has an on-again, off-again relationship with “Sarah,” and they have one kid together. Sarah has two other kids with someone else, but she brings all three over here all the time. We live near a public lake and park. The kids do not like showers, so Sarah tries to use my bathroom during those visits. I hate it because her kids can’t keep their hands to themselves and Sarah refuses to supervise them properly. My bathroom is en suite, and there’s no door between the tub and my bedroom. I don’t want to have to worry about running into kids changing or taking a bath.

I have tried talking to Jon about it, but Sarah just bulldozes him. Jon needs to side with her or else he “doesn’t love” her. It is “too hard” to take her kids home dirty and bathe them there (apparently she lives with her parents, and there is never any hot water). Last time, I locked the door and ignored Sarah while she tried to pound the hinges off. I came out after she left. Jon asked me and I lied that I’d had my noise-canceling headphones on. I don’t want to keep doing this. None of us are really friends, so I am afraid to bring it up with my housemates. I don’t really care if Sarah and the kids are in the public spaces. I don’t want them in mine. Help, please!

—Stay Out

( Prudie's answer )