(no subject)

[conuly]

Dear Carolyn: My sister is, to put it mildly, self-centered. My fiance and I are getting married next May and have had the venue booked since April. My sister just told me she's expecting her first child — wait for it — eight days before the wedding. I am absolutely thrilled for her and her husband and amazed they're already pregnant, having just started trying in June.

She is demanding — literally stomping her feet, screaming at our parents, yet not talking to me at all — that I push my wedding back at least a few months so she and her newborn can attend as guests of honor.

We have a very limited window to get married: active-duty military, graduating from grad school the weekend between the wedding and moving across the country. Not to mention we started planning well in advance, we have most vendors booked, we would lose a lot of money by changing and have told all family and friends the date.

Of all the selfish things she has done in her life, this reaches new heights. I'm trying to laugh about it, but I find myself dwelling on it and becoming sad. I'm resigned to the fact that my sister is not going to change.

So how do I change my perspective so I do not (a) resent my sister, and (b) become bummed about the wedding planning process, which has been wonderful until now?

— Always the Bridesmaid, Even When I'm the Bride

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Looking for Peace With Son

[conuly]

Dear Annie: It seems impossible for me to mend my relationship with my son. He is 38, and I am 68. Back when he was 22, he came out of the closet and told us he was gay. It took me nearly two years to accept that, and two years of hardly talking. Finally, I accepted it -- with a few years of counseling. My son and I got along for a while. But a few years ago, Ohio passed legislation legalizing same-sex marriage. To me that was a big no-no, because men don't marry men. I let him know, big-time, that I was against it. But he found someone to officiate the marriage and marry him and his partner. He even got the marriage license. But he didn't get married through a traditional church.

I told him I would never accept it, and that I hoped his marriage fails. Of course, he didn't like that at all. Even after my counseling and apologizing, and being sorry for my beliefs, still I cannot change how I feel; nor will he change his beliefs. I want him to put this one thought aside and agree to disagree. For two years, he and his husband have wanted nothing to do with me at all! He still talks to his mom and his brother, but only because they want no animosity between them. -- Frustrated Dad

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