Yet another estranged parent who can't figure out what they did wrong

[conuly]

Dear Amy: My husband and I have a 50-year-old son who is married with three beautiful children. We all live in the same town.

Four years ago, when I had breast cancer, my daughter-in-law became angry and would not let us see the children.

We have tried everything we can think of to work this out: Letters, phone calls, and offers to seek professional help.

They continue to want to blame us, but neglect to tell us what the problem is!

They have verbally (and by text) said the nastiest things to us.

Do you have any suggestions? Our relationship with our son was fine until this started.

-- Forever Sad

( Surprisingly good advice within that they certainly will not take )

They Met as Adults and Now They're Making Out Like Adults... There's Just One Problem

[conuly]

I’m a person. My reluctance to reveal any other information about my identity will become clear shortly. Years ago I found out I have an opposite-sex half sibling. We recently met and quickly bonded. We went from speaking on the phone to spending time with each other. The problem now is that we're obsessively attracted to one another. We began holding hands and then cuddling. But recently things have progressed to make-out sessions that leave me feeling highly conflicted. I feel in many ways that I have found my "soulmate," as ridiculous as that sounds.

I'm right there with you. I know how this looks. I've read the requisite articles about GSA (Genetic Sexual Attraction) but the science seems touch-and-go at best. I know you strongly believe the incest taboo needs to stay in place for society as a whole to not be totally gross. I fully agree. The thought of sleeping with any of the family members I grew up around makes me want to bash my own skull into bits.

My question is: how do I get over this and cultivate a normal relationship with my half-sibling? I'm deeply ashamed of how I feel, but I feel known and understood by someone for the first time in years. It's confusing. Please, please help.

Deeply Ashamed

( Read more... )

Dear Prudence: Get Over It

[shirou]

Q. Get over it: I am 27 and never been married. My boyfriend is 29 and divorced. In the most awkward introduction on earth, I met my boyfriend’s mom, “Leigh,” while we were having sex (his mom used the backup key to bring in groceries). I was embarrassed at the time, but three months down the line, I am annoyed. Leigh acts like I am this evil seducer after her little boy. She is cold toward me and makes sure to get in these little conversational digs. My boyfriend has stood up for me and called her out, but that only makes her worse. He tells me that Leigh will warm up to me in time, but part of me is sympathizing with his ex-wife now. (My boyfriend claims the marriage fell apart due to their career demands.)

I am starting to fall in love here, but the evil mother-in-law jokes are starting to feel less funny and more fortunetelling to me. I am attractive, educated, and kind, and I have never had a boyfriend’s mother act like this toward me. I have gone to church with Leigh, baked her a cake, and volunteered to help out with her charity marathon run. So far it has only gotten me sore calves and more uncivil behavior. I don’t know how to win over this woman, and in all honesty, I just want her to get over it. For someone who claims to want grandchildren, she certainly is trying to run off anyone who might give them to her. What should I do?

A: I know it’s a cliché at this point, but I don’t think you have a Leigh problem. I think you have a boyfriend problem. You (understandably) have a lot of negative things to say about your boyfriend’s mother, but you don’t say a word about why this 29-year-old man lets his mother keep a key to the house or bring over groceries for him unannounced. I assume if there were extenuating circumstances or reasons why he couldn’t comfortably shop for himself that you’d mention them, so it looks like he’s just perfectly happy to let his mother continue to dote on him like he’s still her baby boy. If his version of “standing up to his mother” is objecting when she insults you but still continuing to spend time with her (and letting her keep her key to his apartment!), then his version of “standing up to people” looks an awful lot like lying down. Leigh is doing you a favor in the long run. Let her run you off! Run far away and find a guy who doesn’t give his mother a key to his house.