Dear Prudence: My Daughter Says "I love you" Too Often

[cereta]

Q. I love you, OK? Now let me hang up: I love my daughter. I swear I do. But she has gotten into the habit of turning “bye” into “I love you—bye” every damn time she calls me at work, which is several times a day for mundane reasons. In the past she’s gotten upset because I leveled with her and tried to kindly tell her that I generally don’t like to kiss on the lips (hugs and cheek kisses are great). I’m not a horrible mother, I swear. Is there some way I can tell my daughter, “Yes, you can have a cookie, bye” instead of “Yes, you can have a cookie, love you, bye”? I feel like being forced to continually say it takes away from the meaningfulness.

A: I’m not sure how old your daughter is, which seems like it would have a great deal of bearing on the issue, but my guess is that if she’s calling you multiple times a day at work to ask if she can have a cookie, she’s fairly young—probably too young to understand the type of conversation you want to have with her. Sure, if she were an adult and you wanted to have casual conversations that don’t always turn into an “I love you” fest, that would be reasonable, but if a little child wants to say “I love you” at the end of every phone call, I don’t think that’s too much for her to ask. That said, if she’s calling you repeatedly during work hours, it may be that you need to ask whoever’s looking after her while you’re away to restrict those phone calls to “only in case of emergency.”

Dear Prudence: Plus one

[cereta]

Q. Wedding +1: I can’t believe I’m asking this question, but I’ve become super-duper anxious all of a sudden. I was invited to a wedding of a longtime, but not close, friend. I was given a plus one, which just says “guest.” I want to bring a friend, one whom the couple has met a few times. The couple has no idea whether I’m dating anyone, they don’t know my orientation, and they gave me a plus one anyway. The internet seems dead set against bringing anyone other than a date, but I can’t imagine that these people, who are queer-friendly, are super into conventional, couple-centric etiquette. So, can I bring my friend? Should I calm down?

A: If I count as part of the internet, then it certainly isn’t all dead set against bringing anyone besides a romantic Interest as a plus one to a wedding. You’ve been given a plus one and get to use it as you see fit. (Does the internet think that if you’re not in a romantic relationship, you should return your plus one to the happy couple and arrive stag? What’s going on with the internet today?) Bring your friend and have a great time.

Follow Up:
Q. Re: Wedding +1: It is unbelievably rude to bring a friend to a wedding. This really is for dates only. A wedding is not about you. It is about a couple. It is one thing to come with your boyfriend or girlfriend, but another to impose on them a random friend they have not invited and now have to pay for. (A wedding dinner’s cost per head is expensive.) If the letter writer is not close enough that the couple doesn’t even know whether she is queer, to do that is just outrageous.

A: Why on earth would it be rude to bring a friend to a wedding? In what way is bringing a guest when an invitation specifies that one can bring a guest making someone else’s wedding “about you”? I agree that it would be rude, inconvenient, and financially burdensome to bring a guest when an invitation doesn’t specify a plus one, but I’m not at all clear on why you think this is so outrageous.

Dear Prudence: What Counts as Domestic Violence

[cereta]

( Violent behavior, arguably domestic violence )

Dear Prudence: My Mother Takes My Migraines Personally

[cereta]

(Yes, I read Prudie in spurts.)

( Chronic illness and some really unsympathetic reactions )