(no subject)

[conuly]

Dear Care and Feeding,

I have been with my wife, “Madison,” for seven years, married for four, and for the entirety of the time I have known her, she has always sought the approval of her older sister “Crystal.” Crystal is keenly aware of this and takes full advantage of it. Madison is always willing to drop everything when her sister needs something, be that watching her kids at a moment’s notice so she can have a night out, letting her borrow clothes, or taking time away from things we like to do or her own activities so she can help Crystal grade papers (Crystal is a teacher). Crystal, however, never reciprocates.

The last straw for me was when my SIL decided on a whim that she wanted to go to a movie with her friends and called—on our anniversary!—asking if she could “pretty please” drop off her kids with us for the night because the movie was going to get out late. This was less than half an hour before my wife and I were to leave for dinner at a restaurant where we had to make a reservation nearly six months in advance. The babysitter we’d hired to watch our 10-month-old had already arrived. Madison started to agree, but I grabbed the phone and told Crystal our plans (which she was well aware of), said that she was out of luck, and hung up. Madison was upset and it cast a pall over the entire evening.

The next day she said she had spoken to her sister, and Crystal was demanding an apology from me. I refused and finally told my wife what I thought of her sister. I asked her why she keeps allowing herself and us to be used by her. Now she is pissed at ME! What can I do to get her to see what a self-serving bitch her sister is?

—Take Off the Blinders

( Read more... )

One column, so many terrible choices

[conuly]

Link

1. I married my husband three years ago. My husband’s sister and her husband adopted their 9-year-old daughter, “Lila,” shortly after she was born. They also have a biological son who is a few years older. They’ve chosen not to tell Lila that she was adopted—a decision my husband and I strongly disagree with, but there’s nothing I can do about it.

Lila is a bright and curious child with a deep love for animals and science. She and I have bonded over both, and I’ve become her closest aunt. She devours science books, especially those about genetics, and lately, she’s been asking me questions that make my heart stop. She wants to know why she has so many traits that aren’t shared with her brother, her parents, or anyone else in her family—why she’s the only left-handed person, the only one with blue eyes, the only one with a squint, the only one who’s shorter than average height, and so on. She’s clearly putting the puzzle pieces together. I’m not sure how to talk to her or to her parents about this.

—Troubled Aunt

( Read more... )

***************

2. Dear Care and Feeding,

My mother-in-law, “Lane,” has taken a normal toddler thing and blown it into the stratosphere. My husband and I have 3-year-old twins, “Olivia” and “Harold.” On Saturday, Lane picked them up for a trip to the park to be followed by lunch at McDonald’s to give my husband and me some much-needed alone time. Harold has been going through a phase lately where all he wants from McDonald’s are McNuggets, so I told her to keep that in mind when they ordered lunch.

When Lane brought the kids back, I could tell Harold had been crying and asked her if something had happened. She gave him a stern look and said that “someone” had misbehaved—had refused to eat the cheeseburger she’d ordered for him for lunch, and that next time she planned a fun outing, only Olivia would be invited to go with her. I reminded her of what I had told her earlier, and her dismissive response was, “Adults decide what children eat, and they eat it.” She called Harold “ungrateful” and said I was allowing him to “rule the house” before she turned on her heel and left. My husband quickly followed her outside. When he returned, he said it would be best to give her some time to cool down. He explained that his mother’s parents grew up just after the Great Depression and instilled in her and her siblings that wasting food was one of the worst things imaginable.

I’m not interested in her excuses. Lane was told about Harold’s eating habits, and the entire thing could have been avoided if she had just listened to me instead of going her own way. And this isn’t the first time she’s ignored my instructions when it comes to the kids. As far as I’m concerned, Harold doesn’t deserve to be excluded over something that wasn’t his fault. Frankly, I’m not sure I want to let her take the kids on her own for the foreseeable future. I have asked my husband to set some ground rules for his mother since she refuses to listen to me, but he’s afraid of upsetting her. How can I make him grow a pair when it comes to dealing with his mother?

—Fast Food Fiasco

( Read more... )

********

3. Dear Care and Feeding,

My husband and I are expecting a daughter at the end of August, and we couldn’t be more thrilled. What I am not thrilled about is that his mother, “Helena,” has been after me to give her a family name that I detest. We have already chosen a name, but she refuses to lay off and in fact is becoming increasingly persistent as my due date gets closer. When I told my husband how fed up I was getting, he proposed that we tell her we’ve decided to go with the name from her side of the family after all—and then, when our daughter is born, we simply go with the name we’ve chosen. She’ll just have to deal with it, he says.

Personally, I think he’s trying to avoid putting his foot down with his mother, but if it gets her to shut up, I’m desperate enough to go for it. And an evil little part of me does find it appealing, considering how she’s been driving me up the wall ever since we told her I was pregnant. This wouldn’t be such a terrible thing to do, would it?

—The Joke’s Gonna be on Her

( Read more... )