(no subject)

[conuly]

Dear How to Do It,

I am a man engaged to another man and we’re getting married next year. This is going to be my second marriage, as I was in an opposite-sex relationship with one person for my entire twenties. After coming out and getting a divorce, I dated around but didn’t hook up so much, so my body count is pretty low for a gay man. My fiancé came out in high school and has a much higher body count than I do (he’s bisexual and has been with plenty of men, women, and lots of people in between.)

I have made peace with our divergent sexual histories in all ways but one: He wants to invite several of his exes and former FWBs to the wedding. I understand that among queer people this is not unheard of, but at the risk of sounding coarse, I cannot stand the idea that on an occasion in which we will be celebrating what I hope is a long and happy future together a significant number of the guests will have made my fiancé orgasm and that they will likely be thinking about that fact during the service.

I also will have *no one* from my past—friends or family—attending the wedding, as I lost contact with them all as a result of coming out.

Am I overstepping if I ask him to significantly limit the number of wedding guests with whom he has had sex?

—Three’s Company, 12 Is Absurd

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Inaugural Ask Eric column, two letters:

[conuly]

1. Dear Eric: My youngest son (my baby!) had a horrible breakup last year. I still hate her and sob-yelled during an Alanis Morissette concert to “You Oughta Know.” Yes, I sob-yelled in public. Cue shame. And righteousness. Hate is powerful. Said son is adorable, nice, has a great job that he loves, etc. Yet, he won’t date.

Let’s be clear. I need grandchildren from this boy. He’s the best one of the bunch (don’t tell the others). How do I encourage him to get out there without actually saying those words? Or do I just adopt more cats as my grandchildren?
— Morose Mom

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2. Dear Eric: I am 67 years old and have kept a daily diary since I was 15. I grew up in the ’70s and things were, shall we say, a little crazy (sex, drugs and rock-and-roll, as experienced by a woman who went to a parochial school and wasn’t exactly a model of obedience). Times were different.

Now, I wonder what to do with all of these volumes of my life. I'm married, but we have no children and no relatives that I would even remotely consider entrusting the good, bad and ugly of my/our lives to. I feel as though they have historical meaning, perhaps significant to some entity, but finding that entity has been problematic. Any suggestions?

It has become such an ingrained part of my life to write every day that I would find it difficult to just stop, but if all of them are destined to end up in a landfill somewhere, I might have to make some hard choices. Incidentally, I’m seriously optimistic that I have at least a couple more decades of diaries left to write, if I do continue.

— Daily Diarist

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(no subject)

[conuly]

Dear Carolyn: I’ve always been uncomfortable with the way my husband’s parents fight and argue in public. They raise their voices and curse at each other, with nasty insults going back and forth between them. I’ve never said anything about it to them, but I did ask my husband to, and he shrugged it off. He says they don’t mean anything by it and it’s just their way. I always try to remove myself from the room when they start in on each other, though it isn’t always possible — like when we’re at a restaurant.

Now that our daughter is almost 1 and can understand what they’re saying, I asked my husband to talk to his parents and ask them not to fight in front of her. He made the request, and they’re really mad at me. They called me a snowflake and said it didn’t hurt their kids and it won’t hurt our daughter.

I can tell it upsets her, and it will get worse as she grows up. My plan now, when they start, is to take our daughter and leave whatever situation we’re in, even if it means calling an Uber. My husband thinks I’m making too big a deal out of this. Am I being unreasonable?

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