LW, WTF.

[conuly]

Dear Amy: I am a stay-at-home mom to a 9-year-old daughter. She’s, well, she’s great. She is mainly well-behaved and as an only child I try hard to give her lots of experiences with other kids.

We have a cool “attic” room in our house that has low-sloping ceilings. We’ve set it up as something of a play space and we also store suitcases and extra bedding there. Last week, we invited “Sophie” to come on a Saturday for a playdate. I set up the play room with some craft supplies and snacks. The two girls were there for most of the afternoon and seemed to have a great time.

After taking Sophie home I went into the room and it was a shambles. The suitcases were opened, bedding and food were strewn everywhere. I was completely shocked. This is absolutely not the way our daughter would ever treat our home. Now I don’t know whether I should call Sophie’s mother to let her know how destructive her daughter was, or whether I would ever welcome this child into our home again. Your advice?

– Frustrated Mom

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(no subject)

[conuly]

Dear Therapist,

I was married to my husband for 35 years when he left me for his therapist. My eldest daughter was so shocked and hurt by this that she called the woman at her work to ask her how she could do this to a family. The woman wasn’t there; my daughter spoke with her boss. The woman was asked to resign.

My ex was very close with this daughter in that their personalities were so similar. But since this happened, he has more or less cut our daughter off. He texts her short greetings on her birthday, Thanksgiving, and Christmas and sends gifts at appropriate times, but it all feels very empty to my daughter. He went to visit her once in the six years since our divorce and said his reason for the visit was to receive an “apology for what you’ve done to my wife.”

She feels she has done nothing wrong and refuses to apologize. She told him that his wife owed her an apology for destroying her family. She has a 2-year-old daughter herself, but he has little interest in his grandchild.

He treats our other daughter with love and cares about her children. He pays for her to come visit him and stays in close contact with weekly phone calls. It breaks my heart that he can be so cruel to one daughter and so kind to the other. In the beginning of this mess, I tried to get him to put himself in her shoes and understand she called the woman out of love for him and not for the purpose of getting her fired, but it has made no difference.

Should I try to do something again or just leave it alone? My daughter is in pain.

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