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conuly1. Dear Annie: Are you aware that, according to experts, approximately 25% of adult children do not speak to one or both of their parents? I'm in that situation. I gave my two daughters everything they wanted that I could afford to give them: dance and music lessons, dive and soccer teams, trips throughout the U.S. and overseas and expensive private schools of their choice. While my daughters wore designer clothing, I bought my clothing from discount stores. I never beat them or spoke unkindly to them or about them. I was always very proud of them.
Now my daughters are in their 30s, and neither one of them speaks to me. The last communication was a phone call I made to my 32-year-old daughter who, when I asked her what I did to deserve to be treated this way, said she wanted us to go for family counseling so we could have an "ADULT relationship" (emphasis on adult). I told my daughter to make an appointment with a counselor and I would be there. That was 1 1/2 years ago and was the last I ever heard from her. I finally took her off my phone plan last month. Isn't it ironic that the person who wanted an adult relationship with me allowed me to pay her phone bill for an additional 1 1/2 years?
Instead of doing what I did in the past, waiting for the rare text (regarding going out to dinner one time while they're in town) and appreciating what I had, I moved on. I'm currently packing up all of their belongings that they left in my house when they moved away, and I am putting it all outside for them to pick up while I'm out of town. I changed the locks on my house so they can't get in. Then I'm changing my will.
I'm surrounded by people who love me, want the best for me and treat me with great respect. Those are the people who are going to benefit from my estate. -- Ungrateful Daughters
( Read more... )
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2. Dear Annie: I have a gift-giving dilemma. In recent years, we had a falling out with our child's spouse, and it's come down to the in-law's way or no way. As a result, the relationships with our child and grandchildren have also been impacted. Though I love them all dearly, I won't let the in-law dictate how I live my life.
I've continued to send birthday and Christmas money, but there is no acknowledgement of the gifts and, as of late, VERY little contact from our child. It breaks my heart, but I'm trying to let go and let our child decide to initiate further contact because it seems like a one-way effort. While I want them to know they are loved, does it make sense to continue gifting? -- To Gift or Not
( Read more... )
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3. Dear Annie: My stepchildren cut their father out of their lives. It started with his daughter, who did this after her father would not co-sign a car loan. Her own mother had refused as well. Since then, he has reached out to his daughter but gets no response. She doesn't like me, and when she chose to cut out her dad, I told her that she wasn't hurting me -- I had a wonderful father -- she was only hurting herself.
Her siblings did the same. Don't these adult children get it? If they want to hurt their stepmother, they are not. They are only hurting their father.
My husband worked through his sorrow with a counselor, and he enjoys our family life (with our children). It is very sad that they are punishing themselves and making their stepmom's life easier. -- Stepmother Trying to Help
( Read more... )
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4. DEAR ABBY: My husband of 30 years died. We weren't rich. I was 54 years old. We each had a will leaving all our assets to the other. We were self-employed, so there was no IRA or 401(k). I sold our only piece of property, and as a result, I have a small savings.
My daughters have now cut ties with me because I won't give them money that I need to live on and will need for my future. I have been alienated from all the grandchildren as well. I feel terrible about it, but I'm scared about my future if I give my savings away. My daughters are all married and doing well financially. Is this normal? I gave them all of their father's personal items after he passed. How can I feel better about all of this? -- LOST THEM ALL AT ONCE
( Read more... )
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5. DEAR ABBY: Three days before my daughter "Ginger's" wedding, her fiance called to announce that he could not marry her because she's bisexual. It's something he knew about for a year but waited until three days before the wedding to mention.
Needless to say, my husband and I were shocked, embarrassed and devastated. We had gone to a wedding with Ginger and her fiance the Saturday before her wedding date, and they were excited about their own wedding, talking about the home they were building and about having a baby. By the following Wednesday, it was over! She has reimbursed us for half of our expenses for the wedding.
Ginger has since been involved mostly with women who have stolen from her, treated her badly and lied to her. We no longer trust our daughter because we thought she was happily engaged, but she lied when she told us how happy she was and how great she and her fiance got along. We cannot accept the current situation, and our relationship with her is now very strained.
We told her to live her life but not to bring these women around. Since then, she has chosen to stay away. We miss our daughter but are not willing to accept this behavior. We don't think Ginger is even trying to gain back our trust. Please give us your best advice. -- LOST IN LOUISIANA
( Read more... )
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6. Our holidays this year will be fraught to say the least. I am one of four children. We each have children.
Without providing too many details, we discovered recently that one of my younger sister’s kids hurt one of my brother’s kids when they were small. Those two families are now not on speaking terms. My other sister and I are trying to stay neutral. In previous years, we’d held a big holiday dinner at one of our houses for the entire crew. We don’t even know what to do now.
Do we still hold the big shebang but assign times for the quarreling families to show up? Do we not invite either of them? Do we pretend nothing has changed from previous years? Part of the problem is our younger sister’s feelings get hurt easily, and I think we need our brother more than he needs us. I haven’t even mentioned my parents, but they want nothing more than to pretend like everything is “normal.”
—Getting Gobbled By the Holidays
( Read more... )
Now my daughters are in their 30s, and neither one of them speaks to me. The last communication was a phone call I made to my 32-year-old daughter who, when I asked her what I did to deserve to be treated this way, said she wanted us to go for family counseling so we could have an "ADULT relationship" (emphasis on adult). I told my daughter to make an appointment with a counselor and I would be there. That was 1 1/2 years ago and was the last I ever heard from her. I finally took her off my phone plan last month. Isn't it ironic that the person who wanted an adult relationship with me allowed me to pay her phone bill for an additional 1 1/2 years?
Instead of doing what I did in the past, waiting for the rare text (regarding going out to dinner one time while they're in town) and appreciating what I had, I moved on. I'm currently packing up all of their belongings that they left in my house when they moved away, and I am putting it all outside for them to pick up while I'm out of town. I changed the locks on my house so they can't get in. Then I'm changing my will.
I'm surrounded by people who love me, want the best for me and treat me with great respect. Those are the people who are going to benefit from my estate. -- Ungrateful Daughters
( Read more... )
2. Dear Annie: I have a gift-giving dilemma. In recent years, we had a falling out with our child's spouse, and it's come down to the in-law's way or no way. As a result, the relationships with our child and grandchildren have also been impacted. Though I love them all dearly, I won't let the in-law dictate how I live my life.
I've continued to send birthday and Christmas money, but there is no acknowledgement of the gifts and, as of late, VERY little contact from our child. It breaks my heart, but I'm trying to let go and let our child decide to initiate further contact because it seems like a one-way effort. While I want them to know they are loved, does it make sense to continue gifting? -- To Gift or Not
( Read more... )
3. Dear Annie: My stepchildren cut their father out of their lives. It started with his daughter, who did this after her father would not co-sign a car loan. Her own mother had refused as well. Since then, he has reached out to his daughter but gets no response. She doesn't like me, and when she chose to cut out her dad, I told her that she wasn't hurting me -- I had a wonderful father -- she was only hurting herself.
Her siblings did the same. Don't these adult children get it? If they want to hurt their stepmother, they are not. They are only hurting their father.
My husband worked through his sorrow with a counselor, and he enjoys our family life (with our children). It is very sad that they are punishing themselves and making their stepmom's life easier. -- Stepmother Trying to Help
( Read more... )
4. DEAR ABBY: My husband of 30 years died. We weren't rich. I was 54 years old. We each had a will leaving all our assets to the other. We were self-employed, so there was no IRA or 401(k). I sold our only piece of property, and as a result, I have a small savings.
My daughters have now cut ties with me because I won't give them money that I need to live on and will need for my future. I have been alienated from all the grandchildren as well. I feel terrible about it, but I'm scared about my future if I give my savings away. My daughters are all married and doing well financially. Is this normal? I gave them all of their father's personal items after he passed. How can I feel better about all of this? -- LOST THEM ALL AT ONCE
( Read more... )
5. DEAR ABBY: Three days before my daughter "Ginger's" wedding, her fiance called to announce that he could not marry her because she's bisexual. It's something he knew about for a year but waited until three days before the wedding to mention.
Needless to say, my husband and I were shocked, embarrassed and devastated. We had gone to a wedding with Ginger and her fiance the Saturday before her wedding date, and they were excited about their own wedding, talking about the home they were building and about having a baby. By the following Wednesday, it was over! She has reimbursed us for half of our expenses for the wedding.
Ginger has since been involved mostly with women who have stolen from her, treated her badly and lied to her. We no longer trust our daughter because we thought she was happily engaged, but she lied when she told us how happy she was and how great she and her fiance got along. We cannot accept the current situation, and our relationship with her is now very strained.
We told her to live her life but not to bring these women around. Since then, she has chosen to stay away. We miss our daughter but are not willing to accept this behavior. We don't think Ginger is even trying to gain back our trust. Please give us your best advice. -- LOST IN LOUISIANA
( Read more... )
6. Our holidays this year will be fraught to say the least. I am one of four children. We each have children.
Without providing too many details, we discovered recently that one of my younger sister’s kids hurt one of my brother’s kids when they were small. Those two families are now not on speaking terms. My other sister and I are trying to stay neutral. In previous years, we’d held a big holiday dinner at one of our houses for the entire crew. We don’t even know what to do now.
Do we still hold the big shebang but assign times for the quarreling families to show up? Do we not invite either of them? Do we pretend nothing has changed from previous years? Part of the problem is our younger sister’s feelings get hurt easily, and I think we need our brother more than he needs us. I haven’t even mentioned my parents, but they want nothing more than to pretend like everything is “normal.”
—Getting Gobbled By the Holidays
( Read more... )