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conuly1. Dear Amy: I’m hoping you can shed some light on this subject.
Is there any justification or logical reasoning behind some of these new parenting trends, specifically one that grants basically full autonomy to a toddler to make his or her own decisions? One that is particularly irksome is letting said toddler choose whether or not they want to hug an immediate family member.
I'm not referring to distant cousins or relatives that are never seen or have only met once. I’m not talking about complete strangers (which of course I would never expect anyone to automatically consent to physical contact), but more like a grandparent or aunt/uncle who are very present in the child's life!
On two recent occasions, I – a very close uncle – was denied a hug. This was the choice of the 3-year-old. This choice was reinforced by the parent. I'd be lying if I said this wasn't hurtful.
I can't ever recall a time when I didn't want to hug or kiss a close family member growing up, and as I got older, it meant even more as we gained the wisdom of how precious life is. These days, I'm not much for human interaction/contact given the current social climate, but for the five to 10 seconds a hug lasts with the nephew, all the problems in the world seem to go away.
How will this type of upbringing affect young children as they get older?
– J in NY
( Read more... )
****************
2. Dear Annie: I am very sad and hurt because my son and his wife will not let me see my four grandkids. This all started after we got together on the Fourth of July. My son and daughter-in-law and their children came to my home to celebrate the holiday. They have four little kids, and we only live 45 minutes apart. I love my grandchildren, and if it were up to my son, they would visit more often and stay longer. But as it is, they had rarely visited me.
On the day they came to my house, the baby was acting weird; well, to me she was acting like she was fighting sleep. She would cry and then stop and then cry. They decided to go home after three hours. My son and daughter-in-law took the baby in their car, and I took the other three children in mine. They told me they were going home, and we all left at the same time, but when we arrived at their home, they were not there. They had called a neighbor, who came out to greet us. She said they had arranged for her to take care of the kids and for me to go home.
Despite this, I gave the kids a bath and got them ready for bed, waiting for their parents. After it turned dark, with the neighbor staying with the children, I drove home. It was only later that I found out why my daughter-in-law and son had not come home. They took the baby to the emergency room, and they were told the baby had meth in her system. She is 1 1/2 years old. They said she got hold of something in my house that had meth on it, and she must have put her hands in her mouth. They had told the neighbor they were going to the ER but swore her to secrecy. I felt doubly hurt that they would open up to a neighbor and not say anything to me, the baby's grandmother.
They won't talk to me, and they will not let me see my grandchildren because of this. I did not have any meth in my house. If it came from inside my home, I don't know how it got there. The baby walked outside, played with the dog, played with the other three kids and walked to the lake behind my home.
The baby could have touched something outside. I don't know where it came from. I don't know how or what she touched to get this on her. They are blaming me and saying her kids deserve the best of the best. I am a good person; if my grandchild got this from my home, I didn't do it. If someone put it in my house, I didn't see it, because if I had, I would have gotten rid of it. I would never hurt my grandkids. I love them with all my heart.
Annie, what should I do? I can't even get in touch with them, and they were planning to move after the Fourth, and I don't know where the house is that they moved into. I was going to help them move, but that didn't happen.
I am on disability from a car accident that left me badly injured. I walk very slowly and have to drag one leg. Yet they are treating me this way. Please help. -- Angry and Heartbroken
( Wow )
Is there any justification or logical reasoning behind some of these new parenting trends, specifically one that grants basically full autonomy to a toddler to make his or her own decisions? One that is particularly irksome is letting said toddler choose whether or not they want to hug an immediate family member.
I'm not referring to distant cousins or relatives that are never seen or have only met once. I’m not talking about complete strangers (which of course I would never expect anyone to automatically consent to physical contact), but more like a grandparent or aunt/uncle who are very present in the child's life!
On two recent occasions, I – a very close uncle – was denied a hug. This was the choice of the 3-year-old. This choice was reinforced by the parent. I'd be lying if I said this wasn't hurtful.
I can't ever recall a time when I didn't want to hug or kiss a close family member growing up, and as I got older, it meant even more as we gained the wisdom of how precious life is. These days, I'm not much for human interaction/contact given the current social climate, but for the five to 10 seconds a hug lasts with the nephew, all the problems in the world seem to go away.
How will this type of upbringing affect young children as they get older?
– J in NY
( Read more... )
2. Dear Annie: I am very sad and hurt because my son and his wife will not let me see my four grandkids. This all started after we got together on the Fourth of July. My son and daughter-in-law and their children came to my home to celebrate the holiday. They have four little kids, and we only live 45 minutes apart. I love my grandchildren, and if it were up to my son, they would visit more often and stay longer. But as it is, they had rarely visited me.
On the day they came to my house, the baby was acting weird; well, to me she was acting like she was fighting sleep. She would cry and then stop and then cry. They decided to go home after three hours. My son and daughter-in-law took the baby in their car, and I took the other three children in mine. They told me they were going home, and we all left at the same time, but when we arrived at their home, they were not there. They had called a neighbor, who came out to greet us. She said they had arranged for her to take care of the kids and for me to go home.
Despite this, I gave the kids a bath and got them ready for bed, waiting for their parents. After it turned dark, with the neighbor staying with the children, I drove home. It was only later that I found out why my daughter-in-law and son had not come home. They took the baby to the emergency room, and they were told the baby had meth in her system. She is 1 1/2 years old. They said she got hold of something in my house that had meth on it, and she must have put her hands in her mouth. They had told the neighbor they were going to the ER but swore her to secrecy. I felt doubly hurt that they would open up to a neighbor and not say anything to me, the baby's grandmother.
They won't talk to me, and they will not let me see my grandchildren because of this. I did not have any meth in my house. If it came from inside my home, I don't know how it got there. The baby walked outside, played with the dog, played with the other three kids and walked to the lake behind my home.
The baby could have touched something outside. I don't know where it came from. I don't know how or what she touched to get this on her. They are blaming me and saying her kids deserve the best of the best. I am a good person; if my grandchild got this from my home, I didn't do it. If someone put it in my house, I didn't see it, because if I had, I would have gotten rid of it. I would never hurt my grandkids. I love them with all my heart.
Annie, what should I do? I can't even get in touch with them, and they were planning to move after the Fourth, and I don't know where the house is that they moved into. I was going to help them move, but that didn't happen.
I am on disability from a car accident that left me badly injured. I walk very slowly and have to drag one leg. Yet they are treating me this way. Please help. -- Angry and Heartbroken
( Wow )