Care and Feeding: The Catnapping

[ermingarden]

Dear Care and Feeding,

My parents are not good pet owners. They have an outdoor-only cat, and for the last decade I have been hearing stories about how he gets hurt and they basically don’t care. A few months ago after yet another one of these stories, my wife suggested we wait until my folks were on vacation and then steal the cat and take him to the vet. We did, and he turned out to be in bad shape (he required a $1500 emergency procedure for a massively infected bite wound). We decided not to give him back to my parents; he is super sweet and friendly and we hoped to rehome him. However, I’m getting really attached to him. I’m not sure what to do as my parents still don’t know we have him (they told me he must have died, and they weren’t particularly upset). We’re planning to hide him with a friend for Christmas when they visit, but she wanted to know why we don’t just come clean. I feel like that is a question that can only be asked by a person with a very unfraught parental relationship, which I don’t have. I’ve been wondering if we could just gaslight my parents into thinking he’s a brand new cat, but he has some unique scars and a VERY unique meow, so even if that weren’t a bananas idea I’m not sure we could pull it off. Should I stick to my original plan to rehome him? Should I be honest with my parents? Do any of your readers want a sweet old cat with a truly unique adoption story? I can’t believe I’m in this situation.

—Cat Napper

Dear CN,

You know what? Sometimes, lying is just easier than telling the truth. And it sounds like even with the inconvenience of hiding the cat with a friend, it would be easier not to tell your parents what happened to their cat. If it is reasonable for you to keep up this lie forever–like, if they only visit you once a year and you only have to hide the cat then–then I suggest you go for it. Your relationship with your parents sounds delicate, and there’s no reason to rock the boat if you can avoid it.

However, if your parents are going to be in your house more frequently, then you should come clean. You don’t have to do it just yet, maybe you just give yourself a break this holiday and enjoy your peace. But in advance of their next visit, you can give them a call and let them know what you did. Explain why, and how your trip to the vet confirmed your concerns that the cat was being mistreated. Apologize for taking him but remind them that they didn’t seem overly concerned when he “died” in the first place. Hopefully, their ambivalence about the life of this cat will continue on through his resurrection. If his reemergence does cause tension between you and your folks, just know that you did the right thing. Considering all this poor little guy has been through, I don’t think you should rehome him. You’ve gotten attached and I’m sure he has too. Hopefully, this won’t be a big deal to your parents and if it is, well, they shouldn’t have neglected him in the first place and they got what they deserved. All the best to you.

Comments

[ermingarden]

In every advice column letter about stealing a cat that I can recall, stealing the cat has always been the morally superior choice. Go LW!

I cannot imagine "Hey, so we took your cat a few months ago while you were on vacation and never told you" going over well, no matter how little LW's parents actually cared about the poor kitty. I'm usually an "honesty is the best policy" person, but in this case....

[castiron]

If the LW's parents were the kind of folks who'd take that well, they'd have been the kind of folks to whom LW could've said several years ago "hey, I notice Outdoor Cat gets injured a lot, and I'm worried about him; would you mind if I took him home and made him My Pampered Indoor Cat?"

[ermingarden]

Exactly.

[shirou]

I question whether LW can conceal the fact that he now has a cat. Even if he can put away the litter boxes and scratching posts where his parents won't find them, a missed toy or some stray cat hair will give him away. He could tell his parents he has a cat without revealing that it's their cat, but then he'll have to explain—for years—why the cat is never at home when they visit.

LW's parents abused that poor cat, and in my opinion, LW has no moral responsibility to say anything. He has my blessing to lie if he can pull it off. But I doubt he can.

[feldman]

"We occasionally foster rescue cats," or "We've been catsitting for a friend," might be all the deflection needed to explain the cat stuff, since the parents so blasé.

[librarygeek]

"We're fostering cats for the local rescue. This one has some medical needs, so we thought it easier for another of the fosterers to care for it while you're in town" - what I'd say. What I'd be thinking "and since you have no idea of what a cat's medical needs could be, this is easier for everyone!"

My sister is a temporary cat foster for their local rescue. 😺😇 I have a rescue dog. :-)

[harpers_child]

This is an A+ line.

[ethelmay]

And it's basically true, if incomplete. The cat is a rescue of sorts.

Incidentally, I have heard of one case of cat-stealing where I thought the stealer was in the wrong (if I have the story right, they took a neighbor's purebred cat that had gotten out one too many times and got it spayed, when the owners had not intended to let the cat out and had intended for her to have kittens). But this seems pretty different.

[ermingarden]

Oh, I hadn’t seen that one! Yes, that’s definitely unjustified catnapping.

[ethelmay]

I don't think you would have seen it - this was someone in my actual neighborhood. I got the story third-hand, though, so it's possible it was garbled.

[conuly]

Question: Exactly how many times is "one too many times", and how far apart were the little outdoor jaunts?

Because my opinion on precisely how wrong this is definitely would depend on how frequently this cat "accidentally" escaped.

[sara]

I once had a cat who got stolen by the neighbor across the street, and when I was like, hey, that is my cat, I would like you to let him out of YOUR house so he can come back to live in MY house, the neighbor informed me that he was a lawyer and that this was no longer my cat.

I think the stealer was in the wrong, but I also thought the cat was getting fed regularly and since I am not a lawyer, I thought my chances of prevailing if I pursued any kind of followup were smaller than my chances of bringing unreasonable amounts of hell into my household.

[ermingarden]

That really sucks – I'm sorry!

[mirlacca]

That "lawyer" was full of it. Tell him he leaves his car outside of the garage again, and you'll put it in yours, and it will be your car--see how he'd like THAT story.

[sara]

Yeah, I've been in too many lawyer fights to pull shit like that, but you go right ahead.

[jenett]

I feel like "We have a cat, but he's super shy and never comes out when there's strangers around" is a viable lie here.

(Source: have lived with that cat in the past. And my current cat will almost always hide in the bedroom and glare at people or claim the closet as her rightful cave when there's anyone other than me in the apartment.)

[azurelunatic]

This seems like the least fraught cover story. I have catsat for Definitely A Ghost cats before.

[hashiveinu]

+1

[conuly]

That's a good suggestion!

[laurajv]

indeed

there were people who had been visiting my house for years who were surprised to see our at-the-time-new-rescue cat. "you got a cat!" "we have five cats." "since when?" "like 1998?"

it's just that 4 of our cats at that time would not be visible to non-residents, ever.

(we now have 4 cats, of which the above rescue is the oldest by far. most people think we have 2, because again, there are 2 they have never seen.)

[castiron]

I used to have that cat. The person who catsat for me always worried that he'd escaped, until the day when she came in fast enough to actually see him disappear into a kitchen cabinet.

[likeaduck]

My aunt and uncle had a cat growing up who made herself so effectively scarce when anyone else came over that my little sister apparently believed INTO ADULTHOOD that the idea of them having a cat was a long-running joke we were having at her expense.

[minoanmiss]

Bast's blessings upon LW, and yeah, does that friend have no imagination?

[conuly]

You know, I'm having flashbacks to That Time I Did Not Steal a Neighbor's Dog: once you take the animal to the vet and pay $1500 in vet bills, the animal belongs to you and your parents can just live with it.

(I actually didn't steal him, though I know that she's still telling people I did.)

[lavendertook]

I’m always for burning the whole place down. If the parents are this horrible, just lay it on them. Tell them, “BTW, before you come, you should know we have your cat you left outside when you went away on vacation, and now he’s a well cared for house cat instead of suffering and dying with a terrible wound you didn’t get treated and he’s enjoying not being neglected and actually cared for in a safe indoor home. I’m sure you’ll have no problem finding another cat to neglect if that’s what you really want--the shelters are full of homeless cats.”

If you’re lucky, LW, they will get mad at you on the phone and cancel visiting you. Yay! All problems solved. Live a little for once. And love up that kitty.

[mirlacca]

Or she could always tell the exact truth: We found your cat outside, injured, and took him to the vet. It cost $1500 in vet bills. If you want your cat back, pay up. Otherwise, we have a new cat.

[weedpizza]

Sounds fair to me!