Ask Amy: Anxious about supervisor's small criticisms

[movingfinger]

Dear Amy: I like my current job a lot, but recently I’ve been struggling.

My work is very stressful, and it is extremely important to work efficiently and to be well-organized. This is not a problem for me; I work very hard for 10 hours a day. I usually leave work feeling as if I’ve gotten everything done.

Recently, however, I’ve been receiving emails from my supervisor pointing out small things I’ve done wrong during my shift. ( Hmmmmm... )

Oh, wow, this dude....

[conuly]

Dear Care and Feeding,

I had an affair—a choice I recognize was a hurtful one, but was born out of a really difficult time in my soon-to-be-former marriage. My question is how to get back on track with my kids, who are angry and refuse to speak to me, six months into the divorce process. They’re old enough to have input into their own custody decisions, and it seems like I will have to pay while never getting to really see them.

My wife wasn’t careful and had an oops pregnancy. We already have a teenage son and daughter. The pregnancy was complicated and she didn’t do much around the house, leaving a lot of extra work in my hands, and we stopped having sex. I was stressed, underappreciated and exhausted, and caved when a younger coworker approached me. The affair became a lifeline when my wife lost our son at birth and then didn’t recover well, including two weeks in the hospital where I was forced to manage the household and our kids alone, while also grieving my lost son.

I was stressed, grieving and it led to taking bigger risks, until I took a much too-big-risk, and my kids walked in on my girlfriend and me. They panicked and called my wife, and she went straight for a lawyer. The kids are in counseling, and I show up to see them every weekend, but they still won’t talk to me. I suspect my wife is badmouthing me to them, but can’t prove it. How do I get things back to normal? Everyone makes mistakes, and they should be old enough to know that fidelity and marriage are complicated, but they are unwilling to listen.

—“Bad” Guy, Good Father

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(no subject)

[conuly]

Dear Care and Feeding,

My wife and I split amicably 2 years ago over personal differences. I have partial custody (every other week) of my two daughters, 8 and 10. We’re not struggling but I don’t make enough money for a babysitter and I work odd hours, so I’ve been relying on my brother “Don” to watch them sometimes. He works in health and fitness, so he makes his own hours. He’s happy to do this and has a good relationship with the kids. He is cordial to my ex-wife. There’s just one issue I recently discovered.

Unfortunately, he is also a player and in the past year, he has dated four different women (and men!) that I know of. Currently, he’s seeing “Alan” who has been around for three months. I was a little surprised when the girls said that they went to the beach with Don and Alan. I don’t know this man at all and Don barely knows him. I’m not comfortable with him around the kids, let alone in their bathing suits.

At the same time, I don’t have any other option for child care, Don isn’t charging me anything, and the girls had only good things to say about their beach trip. Am I completely out of line to ask that he keeps Alan and other dates/hookups away from my kids? If I can’t find child care I will have to renegotiate the custody agreement.

–Protective Dad

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