Why are people like this?

[conuly]

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a lawyer of some age, having had a license for more than 40 years. I often have to address written communications to female colleagues.

When I began practicing, it was observed that the title "Esq." was exclusively for male lawyers, no females having been squires. In letters, females were addressed as "Atty." Those who inquired were told that the female version of "Esq." was "Good Wife."

Now, my habit of referring to women as "Atty." has come under fire, notably when I upbraided a woman for listing herself with the honorific "Esq."

The dictionaries now state that it is a unisex term. I'm not so sure. What does Miss Manners think about using the term "Esq." after a woman lawyer's name?

( Read more... )

Two letters from Pay Dirt, same column

[conuly]

1. Dear Pay Dirt,

We just had a big wedding and our baby’s first birthday celebration. We were a pandemic wedding that got canceled, so it was great to do a big party with friends. I’m struggling, though, because I’m surprised at how little our guests gave, and I’m feeling guilty about that. Generally, I’ve always heard you give $100 to $125 per person, particularly if you’re drinking and eating (we had an open bar).

However, many people we consider good friends gave … much less. A few didn’t give at all. Getting about $100 each would’ve covered the cost of each person at the wedding. Of course, if they didn’t have the money, we’d understand, but many of them are very financially comfortable. I know it’s in the past now. But how do I not let this frustration and sadness color my friendships with these people? I know it’s not the point of the party, but it’s also hard to not feel like the celebration we threw was a bit underappreciated.

—Blue About the Wedding

( Read more... )

2. Dear Pay Dirt,

My brother, “Ben,” has had behavioral issues his whole life. He has never held down a long-term job because he can’t handle anyone telling him what to do. Despite being 33, he relies on my parents to take care of life things, like calling the bank when his debit card doesn’t work. A few years ago, he received a settlement from a bad car accident and used the money to purchase a house outright. He, therefore, doesn’t have a mortgage, but he does have to pay taxes on the house once a year. Recently, it came up that if anything ever happens to my parents, I’ll have to make sure the taxes are paid so he doesn’t lose his house. They don’t expect me to use my money, they’ll put money aside for it (the taxes are very low where he lives), but I’ll have to be the one to make sure the bill is paid.

I told them that’s not happening—he’s an adult, and if he can’t remember to do this, he doesn’t deserve to own a home. They got really upset and said they can’t believe I’d just let him lose his house. I then felt bad for making them upset, and now I’m not sure what to do. Should I go to them and tell them I’m sorry and that I’ll take care of it? But I have no intention of taking care of it, because it won’t just be that one thing—he’ll eventually try to use me more and more in place of my parents to handle things like this.

I don’t want to give my parents a false sense of security. They need to realize that my brother needs to learn to function on his own, and he won’t do that so long as they keep doing things for him. I certainly don’t want him to be homeless, but I am not going to spend the rest of my life taking responsibility for him. So, how can I help my parents feel better about this situation, while also not agreeing to what they’re asking of me?

—Not My Brother’s Keeper

( Read more... )

Dear Prudence: Maybe This Is The Same Wedding As Last Post?

[minoanmiss]

Help! I Think My Niece Is Hiding the Truth About Her Wedding. ( Read more... )