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conulyDear Amy: I am a woman in my 70s. I do not understand why women in their 30s think they can treat their elders with disrespect.
I had two unkind mothers-in-law but I wouldn’t have dreamed of being rude to them or “telling them off” because they were my elders — the mothers of my husbands, and the grandmothers of my children and grandchildren.
I was taught to show respect to elders and, unless someone was abusive to me or others, to allow other elders to correct the children, if needed.
Is this a generational thing, that young family members can be rude to us, take offense about petty issues, and ignore or refuse to speak to us even after we have apologized for the smallest “offense”?
I have several friends who are experiencing the same issues with their daughters-in-law.
We are kind and compassionate elders who are not unreasonable, demanding, or mean. We are not difficult people, having lived long lives of being respectful to co-workers, family members, friends, neighbors and strangers. We are the first to acknowledge our flaws and apologize.
I have taught women’s classes on assertiveness in my profession, but this is not assertiveness. It is aggression.
I’d appreciate your thoughts.
– Disrespected
( Read more... )
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Dear Amy: I have been trying to figure out how to deal with family members that decide to cut off all communication with me without explanation.
One episode happened with my niece, who is in her 30s.
The last thing I said to her was, "Would you like to come over to visit?"
Her response was, "Why do people keep trying to make me do things that I don't want to do?" And that was the last time she talked to me.
She blocked me from her social media and hasn't responded to any text message or phone calls.
It has been almost three years.
Just a few months ago my youngest sister out of nowhere cut me off from her social media.
I asked her why and she said, "I don't want to share my life with you right now."
I asked what I did or said and she said, "I'm asking for some space."
It has been almost four months since that happened.
I've asked my other sister and our mother what I did, and they’ve responded that they don't know.
This sister recently traveled to our area and when she was visiting with my mother she wouldn't allow me, my husband or any of our children to go over to my mother's house.
My mother allowed her to take this control.
My children were upset that they weren't allowed to visit their grandmother.
I still have no idea what I did that caused any of this.
My little sister still talks to our two other sisters.
This is really hard for me because I'm 20 years older than this sister and I was like a second mom to her. I did so much for her growing up. Up until recently we were close, or so I thought.
What did I do?
– In the Dark
( Read more... )
I had two unkind mothers-in-law but I wouldn’t have dreamed of being rude to them or “telling them off” because they were my elders — the mothers of my husbands, and the grandmothers of my children and grandchildren.
I was taught to show respect to elders and, unless someone was abusive to me or others, to allow other elders to correct the children, if needed.
Is this a generational thing, that young family members can be rude to us, take offense about petty issues, and ignore or refuse to speak to us even after we have apologized for the smallest “offense”?
I have several friends who are experiencing the same issues with their daughters-in-law.
We are kind and compassionate elders who are not unreasonable, demanding, or mean. We are not difficult people, having lived long lives of being respectful to co-workers, family members, friends, neighbors and strangers. We are the first to acknowledge our flaws and apologize.
I have taught women’s classes on assertiveness in my profession, but this is not assertiveness. It is aggression.
I’d appreciate your thoughts.
– Disrespected
( Read more... )
Dear Amy: I have been trying to figure out how to deal with family members that decide to cut off all communication with me without explanation.
One episode happened with my niece, who is in her 30s.
The last thing I said to her was, "Would you like to come over to visit?"
Her response was, "Why do people keep trying to make me do things that I don't want to do?" And that was the last time she talked to me.
She blocked me from her social media and hasn't responded to any text message or phone calls.
It has been almost three years.
Just a few months ago my youngest sister out of nowhere cut me off from her social media.
I asked her why and she said, "I don't want to share my life with you right now."
I asked what I did or said and she said, "I'm asking for some space."
It has been almost four months since that happened.
I've asked my other sister and our mother what I did, and they’ve responded that they don't know.
This sister recently traveled to our area and when she was visiting with my mother she wouldn't allow me, my husband or any of our children to go over to my mother's house.
My mother allowed her to take this control.
My children were upset that they weren't allowed to visit their grandmother.
I still have no idea what I did that caused any of this.
My little sister still talks to our two other sisters.
This is really hard for me because I'm 20 years older than this sister and I was like a second mom to her. I did so much for her growing up. Up until recently we were close, or so I thought.
What did I do?
– In the Dark
( Read more... )