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Rom-com without the com.
Dec. 28th, 2020 11:26 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
frenzy[note: are reddit relationship threads allowed? I'm operating under the assumption they are, but I can remove if it is not. If they're allowed, can we get a reddit tag, please?]
Actual Title: My [27F] boyfriend [27 M] of two years thought we've been engaged for four months. I had no idea.
Body: My [27F] boyfriend [27M] and I have been together for two years. We were very casually dating for the first year or so, and then when lockdowns started happening, since my lease was month-to-month and his place has three bedrooms, I moved in with him. So we've been living together since March.
I work a job that involves a lot of projects, that necessitate me planning, budgeting and organising and I have been doing this from home. He works in a different industry but also has been working from home, and we each have our own office, and we both wander in to see each other during the day to chat when we have a moment.
Yesterday afternoon, we were sitting watching TV when he said "oh by the way, my mom wants to come dress shopping with you." I don't have any events or anything coming up (obviously) so I was confused and asked him "For what?" He said, "Haha very funny," and after a bit of back and forth he clarified that she wants to come wedding dress shopping!
I'll spare the details of the ensuing argument but apparently back in August when we were watching a romantic movie and he said, "Hey do you think you would marry me?" And I said "sure," he took that as an engagement. Since it was our first time ever discussing marriage, I assumed he was just feeling it out.
Since then, I guess he's assumed I've been wedding planning and whenever he's wandered into my office and said things like "How's it going?" "Have you worked out the budget?" "Everything coming together?" He's been talking about the wedding and not about my job like I'd assumed he was.
We had a long fight about this. He's furious that I apparently pay so little attention I didn't realise he'd proposed, but also that he's told his whole family about our engagement and doesn't want to backtrack now. I'm furious because a) I feel like this is a huge miscommunication on his end and b) if he genuinely thought we were engaged, he's put in absolutely no effort to anything. I haven't got a ring, he hasn't got a ring, he hasn't contributed a single opinion about this "planning" I've been doing. Sure, I like planning but I have no interest in planning an entire wedding 100% by myself and if he expects that, I'm not sure if this is the right move.
I just don't know how to move forward here. He thinks we should just "stay" engaged and move forward with the wedding and never tell anyone, but I'm questioning everything now.
tl;dr: My boyfriend thought he proposed to me but I had no idea. Since then, he assumed I was wedding planning while contributing nothing and not helping at all while I thought things were continuing as normal. He wants to go ahead with the "engagement" but I'm questioning if the relationship is for me. How do we move forward? How do I get past this?
Edit I'm trying really hard to reply to everyone but comments are coming in thick and fast! I swear every time I reply there's another 20 in the inbox so I'm sorry that I'm missing some!!
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Best comment:
Sounds like the script to a bad rom-com. Usually there is a ring thing to avoid such confusion. With such failure of communicating, there needs to be a reset.
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source: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/klsp7u/my_27f_boyfriend_27_m_of_two_years_thought_weve/
Actual Title: My [27F] boyfriend [27 M] of two years thought we've been engaged for four months. I had no idea.
Body: My [27F] boyfriend [27M] and I have been together for two years. We were very casually dating for the first year or so, and then when lockdowns started happening, since my lease was month-to-month and his place has three bedrooms, I moved in with him. So we've been living together since March.
I work a job that involves a lot of projects, that necessitate me planning, budgeting and organising and I have been doing this from home. He works in a different industry but also has been working from home, and we each have our own office, and we both wander in to see each other during the day to chat when we have a moment.
Yesterday afternoon, we were sitting watching TV when he said "oh by the way, my mom wants to come dress shopping with you." I don't have any events or anything coming up (obviously) so I was confused and asked him "For what?" He said, "Haha very funny," and after a bit of back and forth he clarified that she wants to come wedding dress shopping!
I'll spare the details of the ensuing argument but apparently back in August when we were watching a romantic movie and he said, "Hey do you think you would marry me?" And I said "sure," he took that as an engagement. Since it was our first time ever discussing marriage, I assumed he was just feeling it out.
Since then, I guess he's assumed I've been wedding planning and whenever he's wandered into my office and said things like "How's it going?" "Have you worked out the budget?" "Everything coming together?" He's been talking about the wedding and not about my job like I'd assumed he was.
We had a long fight about this. He's furious that I apparently pay so little attention I didn't realise he'd proposed, but also that he's told his whole family about our engagement and doesn't want to backtrack now. I'm furious because a) I feel like this is a huge miscommunication on his end and b) if he genuinely thought we were engaged, he's put in absolutely no effort to anything. I haven't got a ring, he hasn't got a ring, he hasn't contributed a single opinion about this "planning" I've been doing. Sure, I like planning but I have no interest in planning an entire wedding 100% by myself and if he expects that, I'm not sure if this is the right move.
I just don't know how to move forward here. He thinks we should just "stay" engaged and move forward with the wedding and never tell anyone, but I'm questioning everything now.
tl;dr: My boyfriend thought he proposed to me but I had no idea. Since then, he assumed I was wedding planning while contributing nothing and not helping at all while I thought things were continuing as normal. He wants to go ahead with the "engagement" but I'm questioning if the relationship is for me. How do we move forward? How do I get past this?
Edit I'm trying really hard to reply to everyone but comments are coming in thick and fast! I swear every time I reply there's another 20 in the inbox so I'm sorry that I'm missing some!!
====
Best comment:
Sounds like the script to a bad rom-com. Usually there is a ring thing to avoid such confusion. With such failure of communicating, there needs to be a reset.
====
source: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/klsp7u/my_27f_boyfriend_27_m_of_two_years_thought_weve/