One column, two ragebait letters that I hope are fake

[conuly]

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1. Dear Care and Feeding,

Growing up, I had tons of friends and was always on the go and immersed in extracurricular activities. My 7-year-old daughter, “Maisy,” simply isn’t interested in people. She has exactly three friends and would rather spend her time reading and studying the birds, squirrels, bugs, and plants in our backyard. She doesn’t have much use for cartoons, like other kids; she would sooner watch science and nature documentaries. I had her tested, and she’s not on the spectrum, so that’s not what Maisy’s problem is. I feel like she’s missing out on so much by not being more sociable. How can I convince her that being the smartest person in the room won’t do her a bit of good if people don’t like her because she has no idea how to interact with other humans?

—Emotional Intelligence Matters Too

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2. Dear Care and Feeding,

My 11-year-old son, “William,” has been interested in magic and illusions for about a year. For his last birthday, my husband and I got him a magic set. William had been greatly enjoying it until my moronic brother “Justin” said something disgusting to him that Justin insists was “just a joke.” After Easter, for which the entire family had gotten together, I came across William’s magic set in the garbage. I asked him why he’d thrown it away, and he said Justin had told him that all magicians are gay and that if he keeps doing magic, he will turn gay too. This upset him (unfortunately, the kids at his school have reached the phase where “gay” is used as an insult). I told him that what Uncle Justin said wasn’t true: People don’t “turn” LGBTQ+, they are born that way, and in any case, there is nothing wrong with being LGBTQ+. I then gave Justin a call.

My brother howled with laughter when I told him that William had thrown out his magic set and why. Justin claimed he’d said it, “just said it to mess with him.” I told him he needed to set the record straight with William, make it clear that he’d made it up, and confirm what I’d already told him about how being LGBTQ+ is not a bad thing. Justin claimed I was making too big a deal over it. He said William should take this as a lesson in learning not to believe everything people tell him. I told him that until he was ready to apologize and tell William the truth, we would be taking a break from seeing him, and I hung up. My parents think I’m in the wrong and that I’m making too much of “a harmless prank.” They are accusing me of causing problems in the family. I don’t think I am. My husband agrees with me and says he’ll support whatever I feel is right. Is this the best option, even if it gets me on the wrong side of my parents?

—Under No Illusions: My Brother Was Wrong

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(no subject)

[conuly]

Dear Care and Feeding,

My relationship with my much younger sister, “Charity,” has always been a volatile one. Recently, our grandmother passed away and Charity stole some jewelry that had been promised to me, likely when she last visited our grandmother’s place before she went into hospice. She claims not to know where it is, but a friend who works at a restaurant she frequents said she saw her come in wearing our grandmother’s necklace; Charity, of course, is saying she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. My 15-year-old daughter, “Zarra,” knows how upset I am about the whole thing and is just as angry. However, I didn’t expect that she would take matters into her own hands—and oh my god did she…

Last week, I learned through my mother that Charity broke up with her fiancé because she learned he was cheating on her and had fathered a child with another woman. When I told Zarra that her aunt had gotten a dose of karma, she replied, “Thanks to me.” I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach and asked her what she meant. Zarra explained that she had given her friend “Lisa’s” college-age brother money to purchase a burner phone for her. She then had Lisa call up Charity pretending to be a woman who was trying to track Charity’s fiancé down so she could sue him for child support. Zarra said Charity had been so furious that they could hear her screaming at Lisa through the phone from four feet away. She laughed and said she’d never expected the prank to actually work, but was glad it did.

I am truly at a loss as to what to do here. On the one hand, Zarra did a very devious thing and involved her friend and her friend’s brother in it. But on the other hand, if I’m being honest, it was extremely gratifying to see my bitch sister finally get a taste of her own medicine—she’s spent her life taking advantage of people and is an all-around shitty person. My husband thought the whole thing was brilliant. Should I punish Zarra and inform Lisa’s parents of their kids’ role in what my daughter did, or is this one of those things that cancels itself out?

—Secretly Pleased

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