Is it just me or are these parents awful?

[conuly]

Dear Eric: I grew up with highly educated parents, with a strong work ethic. Because of my and my also well-educated and accomplished husband’s many years of hard work, we have been able to provide well for our children. Unfortunately, all of them have had health difficulties from birth, and instead of growing and recovering, they each developed long-term substance abuse. They barely got their high school diplomas and only one has made it through two years of college and wants to give up because she is tired of trying.

Meanwhile, my husband and I have continued to work hard to cover all their needs. We are way past retirement age and have our own health problems. We are exhausted. And very worried about our children who seem incapable and uninterested in supporting themselves.

How on earth are they all going to be able to manage? We feel sure any money they inherit will disappear because they are ignorant of investing, taxes, managing finances, adverse to chores, etc., and refuse to learn. They all used to be smart enough but now they seem so stupid. (We get along and even have laughs but can’t connect on anything serious or important.) We are wondering how we can leave our hard-earned money to them just for them to waste it and continue to decline in the way they already are?

How can we persuade our adult children to go to and complete college and become financially literate (and responsible) despite being older? Two are working at menial jobs and one will be limited in his job prospects, and one is not working at all.

It’s painful to spend time with them because we don’t have any interests or values in common, and they are completely uninterested and ignorant about almost any subject. We are grieving and we are ashamed of our children; their former schoolmates are growing and thriving. Are we asking too much or too little?

– Disappointed Parent

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LW, you're lucky your daughter even talks to you

[conuly]

DEAR ABBY: I haven't had a holiday with my grown daughter, "Charly," since she left the state 12 years ago. When she came out as a lesbian, I wasn't very accepting and didn't handle it well. I have since apologized.

Charly and her partner refuse to visit here unless I allow them to share the same bed in my house. I say they can't tell me what to do in my own home, just as I can't tell them what to do in theirs. I stayed with them once, and they slept in the same bed. Now they no longer invite me to stay there. Charly told me her partner is uncomfortable with anyone staying there.

I haven't spoken to my daughter about their relationship in many years. My heart is broken. I don't get any holidays with them, but her partner's parents are there every year and live in the next neighborhood. I don't understand. Any suggestions? -- MISSING HER IN TEXAS

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