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Mar. 27th, 2024 01:59 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
conulyDear Care and Feeding,
My husband, “Paul,” is around 10 years older than his sister, “Hallie.” He always doted on her and was super involved in her life when she was very little, but pulled away when he went to college and met me. Hallie has never gotten over this.
She acts less like a little sister and more like a jealous ex. She demands that her brother pay attention to her, will physically get between us if we are cuddling on the couch, and brings up bizarre slights (like he didn’t attend her fourteenth birthday party or missed her choir performance). We live four hours away. When Hallie is disappointed or hurt, Paul always makes it up to her by giving her some one-on-one time. This is maddening to me. Seriously, aren’t we allowed to have a life that isn’t centered on a teenage girl’s schedule?
Hallie turned 17 last month. My husband was supposed to make the drive down for her party, but I got violently ill that day. My husband took me to the ER and we never made it to Hallie’s birthday party. Well, it turns out I am pregnant. Hallie responded to this news by screaming at her brother, accusing me of lying, and just wanting her gone—out of our lives for good. Honestly, at this point, I genuinely do. I am tired of being the bigger person. Hallie isn’t a baby, and treating her like one has only made her worse. Paul and Hallie lost their mom when Hallie was 3 years old and she never really bonded with their stepmom, though the woman is fine—she and I have a lovely, civil relationship. But Hallie dislikes her: She is as possessive of her dad as she is of her big brother.
Lord knows, I have tried to get along with her. I put her in my wedding party and then had to listen to her sulk and whine about how everything was stupid. She was 13 then, but things have gotten no better in the four years since. This should be a happy time for me, and instead, it is just Hallie time all the time. I understand that she needs therapy; I can’t force her to get some. But I do think my husband needs to make his pregnant wife his first priority (maybe that makes me terrible?). I need some perspective, please.
—About Hallie
( Read more... )
My husband, “Paul,” is around 10 years older than his sister, “Hallie.” He always doted on her and was super involved in her life when she was very little, but pulled away when he went to college and met me. Hallie has never gotten over this.
She acts less like a little sister and more like a jealous ex. She demands that her brother pay attention to her, will physically get between us if we are cuddling on the couch, and brings up bizarre slights (like he didn’t attend her fourteenth birthday party or missed her choir performance). We live four hours away. When Hallie is disappointed or hurt, Paul always makes it up to her by giving her some one-on-one time. This is maddening to me. Seriously, aren’t we allowed to have a life that isn’t centered on a teenage girl’s schedule?
Hallie turned 17 last month. My husband was supposed to make the drive down for her party, but I got violently ill that day. My husband took me to the ER and we never made it to Hallie’s birthday party. Well, it turns out I am pregnant. Hallie responded to this news by screaming at her brother, accusing me of lying, and just wanting her gone—out of our lives for good. Honestly, at this point, I genuinely do. I am tired of being the bigger person. Hallie isn’t a baby, and treating her like one has only made her worse. Paul and Hallie lost their mom when Hallie was 3 years old and she never really bonded with their stepmom, though the woman is fine—she and I have a lovely, civil relationship. But Hallie dislikes her: She is as possessive of her dad as she is of her big brother.
Lord knows, I have tried to get along with her. I put her in my wedding party and then had to listen to her sulk and whine about how everything was stupid. She was 13 then, but things have gotten no better in the four years since. This should be a happy time for me, and instead, it is just Hallie time all the time. I understand that she needs therapy; I can’t force her to get some. But I do think my husband needs to make his pregnant wife his first priority (maybe that makes me terrible?). I need some perspective, please.
—About Hallie
( Read more... )