Ask a Manager: My Wife Will Be Living With Her Coworkers For 3 Months

[minoanmiss]

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Ask a Manager: I Got Outed As a Member of the Satanic Temple

[minoanmiss]

[AAM is on fire today!] Content advisory: Holocaust comparisons.
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(no subject)

[conuly]

DEAR ABBY: My college-age daughter who still lives with me is addicted to caffeine. I am considering slowly replacing the regular coffee with decaf without telling her. I don't want to tell her, as this may get in her head, and she may react by having withdrawal symptoms. I don't think she would be angry, because she knows I am always looking out for her. What do you think? -- MOM WITH A PLAN

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(no subject)

[conuly]

Dear Amy: I am a self-supporting working woman.

Over the past decades, I've written personal essays for various publications. I don't make money at this; I wish I could!

I have a portfolio full of my work. Some pieces are humorous; some are serious.

I moved to a new town three years ago and made a new friend. She was going on a long car ride, so I offered to give her a few of my essays to read while she was away.

She has not said a word about any of the essays. I'm surprised because two of the pieces mention how my son battled cancer as a teenager. I had never discussed this extremely personal topic with my friend. I thought this was a good way to enlighten her. (My son is now cancer-free.)

I finally asked her if she read any of my work. She said she did. She had no comments. Nothing positive; nothing negative.

I find this very odd and a bit insulting. I am not a terrible writer. If the pieces were poorly written, they wouldn't have been published in the first place.

Is my friend upset that I never broached the subject of my son's illness before? I believe she's the type of person who would let me know that the omission upset her.

She didn't comment on the humorous pieces, either. Wouldn't a friend say SOMETHING?

I just don't get why she hasn't said a word about something very close to my heart.

Any ideas?

– At a Loss in Colorado

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Oh dear: 'I am happy for her to explore her bisexuality. My only rule is that I have to be there'

[oursin]

Okay, here is an instance in which Pamela Stephenson Connolly, who can be very variable, speaks sense:

My wonderful new wife is everything I have always looked for in a woman. The issue is that she is openly and proudly bisexual. When we first became involved, she even joked that she didn’t want me getting mad when it was time for her to visit her friend on girls’ trips. A threesome with a bisexual woman has always been my fantasy. She even gave me permission to go online and find a “unicorn” for us. But when I set up a meeting, she didn’t seem to want to follow through with it, so I stopped looking. Recently, on holiday, she made a sexual comment about a girl in a bikini, so I again brought up the idea of a threesome. But she said she might have grown out of that phase of her life and just wants to be with me. She also said that adding another person would ruin the marriage, and I worry that things might change between us if we get together with another girl. I am at a loss as to what to do. If she is truly bisexual, I am worried that if those desires are not met, she may pursue them without me. My only rule is that if she is with a girl, I am also present. Most guys would love my situation – am I making this harder than it is?

Listen to your wife. It is true that bringing another person into a relationship can be risky, and needs to be carefully negotiated and managed. And you don’t have to protect her bisexual interests – if she really wants to have sex with another woman, she will make that decision herself. Being bisexual does not necessarily mean one is interested in threesomes. You seem to have assumed it does, but it could be that the last thing your wife wants is to include you during sex with another woman. She implied this early on by saying she did not want you to get upset when she went off on a girls’ trip. It is also possible that your wife really is no longer interested in turning her bisexual fantasies into reality. All this is worth a frank conversation. Make sure you avoid blame or judgment, listen carefully, and help her to feel safe to educate you about her true sexual identity.