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conulyDear Care and Feeding,
My very good friend, let’s call her Stacy, was married years ago, to a man whose niece had a daughter at 16. My friend and her husband stepped up and took care of the baby most days for 18 months, until the birth mother came to them and announced that she just couldn’t do it anymore. They ended up adopting the baby. A couple years later, the birth mom came to them with the fact that she was pregnant again. Stacy and her husband adopted this baby at birth. They raised both girls for the next two years before divorcing.
Skip ahead 10 years: Stacy is a single mom and she’s done an amazing job. The birth mom has gotten back together with baby No. 2’s father and given birth to a full sibling (which she seems to be doing OK with raising), but neither of her girls have any idea they are adopted. They are now 15 and 12, and Stacy has never brought it up to them, even though they see birth mom multiple times a year as “Ms. Blank,” along with her daughter. Stacy explains this away by saying they are “family friends.”
I will never be the one to tell these girls, but Stacy seems to vacillate between “they will never find out” or just being completely unconcerned. She shrugs and says, “I guess we’ll see when we get there.” I’m looking for some idea on how to support Stacy and her girls; I think this will blow up in her face, and I’m terrified for all of them.
—Not Dropping the Bombshell
( Read more... )
My very good friend, let’s call her Stacy, was married years ago, to a man whose niece had a daughter at 16. My friend and her husband stepped up and took care of the baby most days for 18 months, until the birth mother came to them and announced that she just couldn’t do it anymore. They ended up adopting the baby. A couple years later, the birth mom came to them with the fact that she was pregnant again. Stacy and her husband adopted this baby at birth. They raised both girls for the next two years before divorcing.
Skip ahead 10 years: Stacy is a single mom and she’s done an amazing job. The birth mom has gotten back together with baby No. 2’s father and given birth to a full sibling (which she seems to be doing OK with raising), but neither of her girls have any idea they are adopted. They are now 15 and 12, and Stacy has never brought it up to them, even though they see birth mom multiple times a year as “Ms. Blank,” along with her daughter. Stacy explains this away by saying they are “family friends.”
I will never be the one to tell these girls, but Stacy seems to vacillate between “they will never find out” or just being completely unconcerned. She shrugs and says, “I guess we’ll see when we get there.” I’m looking for some idea on how to support Stacy and her girls; I think this will blow up in her face, and I’m terrified for all of them.
—Not Dropping the Bombshell
( Read more... )