(no subject)

[conuly]

Dear Prudence,

My family are all ex-military and very athletic. I had to resign my Army commission 10 years in due to a chronic condition that leaves me constantly tired and in pain. How do I get my family to plan around my limited mobility without seeming to be whiny? I buy tickets for everyone to things that are shorter in duration, like a movie or a show. On travel excursions, I pay to rent a larger vehicle that will accommodate my electric scooter. They just don’t get it and are always wanting to go that extra hour or longer that I know I can’t make. I have to be firm that I have to go home or to the hotel now and not in two more hours. I’ve heard them talk about how “it’s all in my head” and I’m just lazy. We do plan separate activities, like they go out to do ziplines or hiking and I stay poolside with a book, but they complain about that. My adult kids are good about my time restrictions because they know firsthand when the pain gets too bad, my body stops working and we’ll be in the emergency room (two times now). I love my family, but I dread shared vacations with them.
—Feeling Whiny

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Care and Feeding: I’ve had it with friends who insist on separate meals for their kids.

[purlewe]

Dear Care and Feeding,

My wife and I feel that preparing a meal and sitting down with our young kids to eat together is a valuable thing. We refuse to be short order cooks or prepare separate kid-friendly meals, but always try to prepare something that the kids like. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, but for the most part our kids are good eaters and our dinners are enjoyable.

We spend a lot of time with other families, in situations where one family is responsible for preparing a meal for the group. Many of our friends’ kids are picky eaters, and this is reinforced by parents who prepare or expect special kid-friendly meals in addition to the main meal.
We’re happy to relax our routine in almost every way for these hangouts, but I am not comfortable going out of my way to prepare a second meal. This always leads to problems. If I’m cooking, their kids make a scene about the food being disgusting—or the parents just bring along kid food that they prepare or that I am expected to prepare. Without fail this special kid meal becomes a thing, even if my kids like the regular meal.

My wife is more gracious than I am, and I’m pretty sure the right answer is to just be accommodating. But to me, eating a meal as a family and hosting friends is an important social event where kids are learning how to exist together in the world.
Preparing a separate kid meal signals that they are more special than everyone else, or that they never have to be anything less than completely satisfied. It says that in group situations, the welfare of the group comes second to their happiness and that there is no expectation to be polite or grateful to your host.

I realize that this is a sort of over-the-top framing. I also realize there is a counterargument here about being an accommodating host. But accommodating picky kids strikes me as different than being mindful of legitimate dietary restrictions, which is an important act of putting others first. I think it’s somewhat rude to expect other people to prepare a special meal for your picky kids and it breeds a sense of entitlement that really bugs me. What do you think?
-Just Eat Up

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