Oct. 21st, 2019

conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly
Dear Carolyn:

To say I don't get along with my parents is an understatement.

The only thing they like more than their grandchildren is being in control. Neither of them has any respect for the rules my husband and I set for our household. If I say no, my mom keeps asking, or storms out of the room. When I tell her we don't give treats before meals, she waits until I leave the room and gives my toddler cookies just minutes before dinner. When my parents are sick and I tell them not to not kiss my kids, I get yelled at. When I remind my parents about my child's nut allergy, my father tells me I'm overreacting. It feels like any rule I try to set, any direction I try to go in, they're behind me undoing all my efforts.

My mom makes promises to my toddler like, "You're going to come stay with us for the summer!" or "We're going to take you to Disney World!" without ever talking to us to make sure it's OK -- and quite frankly, it's not.

A few years ago, I noticed a male friend of my mother's was sharing photos of my child on Facebook without permission -- I didn't even know the man -- so I asked my mom to stop posting photos of my child. She recently started posting photos again of both my children, without asking, and I know she still remembers my request because she complained about it several times.

These are just a few examples. We used to get along, when I was younger, because I did everything they told me to without question. But eventually I grew a backbone, and they're not happy.

My brother and his family cut my parents off three years ago for similar reasons -- constantly giving their unsolicited opinion, going against the way my brother and his wife wanted to raise their kids, and getting extremely offended when called out on their toxic behavior. Rather than try to learn from that, they treat me and my kids however they want as compensation for what they lost.

When one of my sisters tried to approach them, my parents blamed her for the problem, talked about her behind her back, and had little to do with her for over a year. I feel so much anxiety about the situation, because I know my children love them and deserve to have grandparents around, if possible. But I have no idea how to have a positive relationship with people who make me feel so upset all the time and who deny any wrongdoing on their part. What would you do in this situation?

-- Exhausted


Read more... )
conuly: (Default)
[personal profile] conuly
I love my 7-year-old son’s name, “Andrew,” but I hate the nickname “Andy.” When we named him “Andrew” we agreed to only use the long version and never the nickname. Until this year everyone has called him “Andrew.”

We moved over the summer, and somehow he has become “Andy” in his new school! I’m not sure how it happened, but after participating in a recent classroom event, it’s clear everyone is calling him Andy (kids, teachers, other parents). It has even spilled over into Little League.

My son doesn’t care whether people call him Andrew or Andy. I spoke to him about correcting people when they call him the wrong name, and we’ve practiced what he should say, but he is not an assertive kid, and I doubt he is correcting people often.

I made an appointment with the teacher to discuss the situation. She apologized and said that she would call him Andrew and speak with the “specials” teachers to make sure that they call him Andrew as well. She said she would make one class announcement, but that otherwise she will not correct students for calling him Andy.

As you can imagine, this has been totally ineffective. All the kids are still calling him Andy. I made another appointment with the teacher, but she was not helpful. She said that Andrew never objects to being called Andy and sometimes even introduces himself as Andy (I don’t know whether or not this is true). To me, this is irrelevant. He is 7 years old, I am his mother, and I get to decide what people call him. She is not willing to correct the other students in the moment when they call him Andy. I would like to take this matter to the principal. My husband feels like I’m overreacting. He thinks we shouldn’t make it harder for him to adjust to a new group of kids. If we don’t get this under control now, he will be “Andy” for the rest of his life! Help!

—Not Andy’s Mom


Read more... )

Profile

Agony Aunt

July 2025

S M T W T F S
   1 23 45
6 7 8 9 10 1112
13 141516 171819
20 212223242526
2728293031  

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 22nd, 2025 03:30 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios