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I'm happy with whatever
Apr. 17th, 2018 05:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shirouFrom Dear Prudence
Q. I think I’ve screwed up: I have a boyfriend who I’ve lived with for a year and been with for three. We have reached a crossroads. We live in a large town and are looking to move to a slightly smaller city, but he doesn’t seem to think I want to. I tend to be an easy-to-please partner, and I really feel that a lot of my relationship needs are met, but he doesn’t believe me.
Can you give me some tips to become a more outspoken person? I feel like I’ve screwed up. My partner says I’ve acquiesced far too many times, but really, I am a just-happy-to-be-here kind of person! How do I say, “I’m happy to do X,” and reassure my partner that I really mean it?
A: I’m not sure! I’m a little confused—you and your boyfriend are planning on moving to a smaller city, but he doesn’t believe you really want to because you have a history of going along with whatever his plans are? Is he planning on moving without you unless you can convince him you really want to go? I wish we had more detail—can you give us any examples of the sort of thing your boyfriend wants from you? Is he holding off on the move until you can convince him of something?
Q. Re: I think I’ve screwed up: “I’m happy to do X” isn’t the same as “I’m looking forward to X, and here’s how I’m planning for and thinking about it.” Your partner sounds like he’s worried because he’s having to make all of the decisions, and thus deciding what your life path looks like. If you want to be in your relationship, take an active role in it.
A: It’s true that “I’m happy with whatever” is a more appropriate response to “What do you want for dinner?” than it is to “Should we move to Austin?” (And sometimes it can be a frustrating response to “What do you want for dinner?”) Someone else suggested that the letter writer could demonstrate their genuine enthusiasm by looking up events in their target city, talking about what she thinks she’ll enjoy once they move there, and helping coordinate some of the details of the move. “If it’s close enough, she could even suggest some outings now before they move to explore the new city.”
Q. I think I’ve screwed up: I have a boyfriend who I’ve lived with for a year and been with for three. We have reached a crossroads. We live in a large town and are looking to move to a slightly smaller city, but he doesn’t seem to think I want to. I tend to be an easy-to-please partner, and I really feel that a lot of my relationship needs are met, but he doesn’t believe me.
Can you give me some tips to become a more outspoken person? I feel like I’ve screwed up. My partner says I’ve acquiesced far too many times, but really, I am a just-happy-to-be-here kind of person! How do I say, “I’m happy to do X,” and reassure my partner that I really mean it?
A: I’m not sure! I’m a little confused—you and your boyfriend are planning on moving to a smaller city, but he doesn’t believe you really want to because you have a history of going along with whatever his plans are? Is he planning on moving without you unless you can convince him you really want to go? I wish we had more detail—can you give us any examples of the sort of thing your boyfriend wants from you? Is he holding off on the move until you can convince him of something?
Q. Re: I think I’ve screwed up: “I’m happy to do X” isn’t the same as “I’m looking forward to X, and here’s how I’m planning for and thinking about it.” Your partner sounds like he’s worried because he’s having to make all of the decisions, and thus deciding what your life path looks like. If you want to be in your relationship, take an active role in it.
A: It’s true that “I’m happy with whatever” is a more appropriate response to “What do you want for dinner?” than it is to “Should we move to Austin?” (And sometimes it can be a frustrating response to “What do you want for dinner?”) Someone else suggested that the letter writer could demonstrate their genuine enthusiasm by looking up events in their target city, talking about what she thinks she’ll enjoy once they move there, and helping coordinate some of the details of the move. “If it’s close enough, she could even suggest some outings now before they move to explore the new city.”