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Dear Prudence: alcohol and childcare
Sep. 5th, 2016 08:10 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shirouDear Prudence,
My parents are coming to town this week and I’m already losing sleep. When my son was 6 months old (he’s 3 now) my parents watched him for a couple of hours. When we returned we noticed five beer bottles in the recycling and some used wine glasses. If this had been a regular babysitter I would have fired them, but they are my parents. Since then I haven’t let them babysit together or at night, but they always offer. I’ve told my mom about my reluctance about a year ago and got an “I understand” but no apology. I’m still mad that they could be so reckless. Do I need to get over this and let them babysit or is it worth another try explaining my hesitation for free babysitting?
—Should I Let My Parents Babysit?
One of the glories of adult life is the realization that we never have to simply “get over something” merely for the sake of getting over something. That’s not to encourage you to hold permanent grudges, mind you, but you don’t have to suddenly become comfortable with the idea of your parents finishing off a six-pack and a bottle of wine while looking after your infant son just because some time has passed. You don’t mention that your parents have a history of alcohol abuse, so if it seemed like a one-off episode of bad judgment, it may be worth having a follow-up conversation before deciding whether to keep them off the babysitting roster permanently. Tell them you don’t want them to drink alcohol while babysitting your son, and that it particularly disturbed you to find they’d drank rather heavily—not just a beer or two apiece—the last time you put him in their care. If their response is open and apologetic, and you think they’re capable of trying again sober, consider giving them another (briefer, lower-stakes) try at babysitting. Your son is presumably walking around and babbling now, and so they may find it more natural (and more demanding) to engage with him instead of having a drink. If they seem evasive or defensive or unable to promise to wait to imbibe until after you get home, well—free babysitting isn’t worth that sort of headache.
My parents are coming to town this week and I’m already losing sleep. When my son was 6 months old (he’s 3 now) my parents watched him for a couple of hours. When we returned we noticed five beer bottles in the recycling and some used wine glasses. If this had been a regular babysitter I would have fired them, but they are my parents. Since then I haven’t let them babysit together or at night, but they always offer. I’ve told my mom about my reluctance about a year ago and got an “I understand” but no apology. I’m still mad that they could be so reckless. Do I need to get over this and let them babysit or is it worth another try explaining my hesitation for free babysitting?
—Should I Let My Parents Babysit?
One of the glories of adult life is the realization that we never have to simply “get over something” merely for the sake of getting over something. That’s not to encourage you to hold permanent grudges, mind you, but you don’t have to suddenly become comfortable with the idea of your parents finishing off a six-pack and a bottle of wine while looking after your infant son just because some time has passed. You don’t mention that your parents have a history of alcohol abuse, so if it seemed like a one-off episode of bad judgment, it may be worth having a follow-up conversation before deciding whether to keep them off the babysitting roster permanently. Tell them you don’t want them to drink alcohol while babysitting your son, and that it particularly disturbed you to find they’d drank rather heavily—not just a beer or two apiece—the last time you put him in their care. If their response is open and apologetic, and you think they’re capable of trying again sober, consider giving them another (briefer, lower-stakes) try at babysitting. Your son is presumably walking around and babbling now, and so they may find it more natural (and more demanding) to engage with him instead of having a drink. If they seem evasive or defensive or unable to promise to wait to imbibe until after you get home, well—free babysitting isn’t worth that sort of headache.