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oh, Emily Yoffe
Mar. 26th, 2015 03:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
inlovewithnightQ. Kindergarten Leg Hair: Our daughter is in kindergarten and is very conscious of the fact that she has hair on her legs (she is not hirsute, but it shows) and refuses to wear shorts to school. We are of Asian Indian origin, so the hair on her legs stands out. We also feel that she is too young to remove the hair and have tried convincing her that it is OK to wear shorts and not care what others say (we think that some kids in school are mildly teasing her about this). Any tips on how to convince her to accept it and ignore any teasing?
A: Recently, I had a similar letter from the mother of an 11-year-old. I told that mother to let her verge-of-puberty daughter shave. I don’t want to define depilation down, and I feel that a 5-year-old is too young for this, but my heart goes out to your self-conscious, hairy-legged sprite. I agree that it’s important to be able to ignore teasing and stand up for oneself. But your daughter doesn’t want to stand up on such hairy legs. I think it’s possible to make clear to her that her legs are lovely and strong and that the hair on them is nothing worth focusing on, while also recognizing it has taken on outsize importance in her life. I think it’s worth, on an experimental basis, to say you’re going to do something about it and see how all of you then feel. Shaving her legs is a tiny, temporary cosmetic fix that could bring her major relief.
And a bonus follow-up:
Q. Re: Kid With Leg Hair: As someone who works in pediatrics, I feel that the possible emotional and self-conscious issues that will arise from teasing/bullying for which children are so famous must outweigh our own social feelings about “feminizing/objectifying” women. Obviously, we don’t want the kid to feel that her appearance is the most important thing to her, but at the same time, you don’t want her to have a terrible school experience due to something that’s simply fixed. If mom does decide to let her shave, she needs to be very careful, however, to remind her daughter that while many people in the world care about appearances, she’s so much more than that—and the shaving is simply to make her school experience a bit more fun and a bit less stressful.
A: I agree with you and only reluctantly suggested shaving. Even if the mother shaves the daughter’s legs, she has to also give the message you are expressing here.
A: Recently, I had a similar letter from the mother of an 11-year-old. I told that mother to let her verge-of-puberty daughter shave. I don’t want to define depilation down, and I feel that a 5-year-old is too young for this, but my heart goes out to your self-conscious, hairy-legged sprite. I agree that it’s important to be able to ignore teasing and stand up for oneself. But your daughter doesn’t want to stand up on such hairy legs. I think it’s possible to make clear to her that her legs are lovely and strong and that the hair on them is nothing worth focusing on, while also recognizing it has taken on outsize importance in her life. I think it’s worth, on an experimental basis, to say you’re going to do something about it and see how all of you then feel. Shaving her legs is a tiny, temporary cosmetic fix that could bring her major relief.
And a bonus follow-up:
Q. Re: Kid With Leg Hair: As someone who works in pediatrics, I feel that the possible emotional and self-conscious issues that will arise from teasing/bullying for which children are so famous must outweigh our own social feelings about “feminizing/objectifying” women. Obviously, we don’t want the kid to feel that her appearance is the most important thing to her, but at the same time, you don’t want her to have a terrible school experience due to something that’s simply fixed. If mom does decide to let her shave, she needs to be very careful, however, to remind her daughter that while many people in the world care about appearances, she’s so much more than that—and the shaving is simply to make her school experience a bit more fun and a bit less stressful.
A: I agree with you and only reluctantly suggested shaving. Even if the mother shaves the daughter’s legs, she has to also give the message you are expressing here.