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Two letters on sibling estrangement
Mar. 9th, 2025 12:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
conuly1. Dear Eric: My sister (85) and I (80) have been estranged for about five years. My niece invited us for Thanksgiving dinner just before this fallout. She was also inviting relatives of her fiancé who are active Scientologists, a religion that has a well-documented distaste of homosexuals.
I am in a long-term same-sex marriage, and I expressed some queasiness to my sister about being in this company. When she told her daughter, the daughter became hysterical crying and disinvited us the day before the event, fearing that we would make the group uncomfortable.
The shrinks always suggest writing a letter explaining all your feelings and then not sending it. I wrote a long email to my sister, but I sent it anyway. I expressed my belief that my sister has always coddled her daughter and should have stuck up for us because this fear was misplaced. I also believed that my sister had lied in this instance, plus other personal observations. Without my permission, she shared it with my niece. All Hell broke loose.
It’s one thing to have differences of opinion that can lead to estrangement but how can you ever reconcile with someone who you now feel cannot be trusted? I don’t see this as an isolated incident.
If one of us dies it might be unfortunate that this was left unresolved but that’s where we are. I guess some things just don’t get fixed. Perhaps once anyone dies, sooner or later, does anything matter? What do you think of all this?
– Estranged Sister
( Read more... )
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2. DEAR ABBY: I have two sisters. Our mother passed away last year after a bad fall. I was her primary caretaker and was with her every day. The other two sisters were not speaking to her at all, which hurt her deeply. She had dementia but still missed them and would talk about them often. It was all very sad.
When Mom died, my older sister wouldn't tell her goodbye. She didn't attend the funeral and said to everyone who would listen that she wasn't sad. My younger sister arrived -- late -- for the funeral. Afterward, they attacked me -- screaming, cursing, etc. They were angry over small things, like the fact that I used my older sister's maiden name in a DRAFT of Mom's obituary.
I cut them off and have stopped speaking to them and to the rest of the family. I want no details about my life getting back to them, giving them reason to attack me again. The problem is that my entire family is now gone. I am so sad. Not only did I lose my mother, but everyone else as well. Should I approach them? -- WORSE THAN GRIEF IN GEORGIA
( Read more... )
I am in a long-term same-sex marriage, and I expressed some queasiness to my sister about being in this company. When she told her daughter, the daughter became hysterical crying and disinvited us the day before the event, fearing that we would make the group uncomfortable.
The shrinks always suggest writing a letter explaining all your feelings and then not sending it. I wrote a long email to my sister, but I sent it anyway. I expressed my belief that my sister has always coddled her daughter and should have stuck up for us because this fear was misplaced. I also believed that my sister had lied in this instance, plus other personal observations. Without my permission, she shared it with my niece. All Hell broke loose.
It’s one thing to have differences of opinion that can lead to estrangement but how can you ever reconcile with someone who you now feel cannot be trusted? I don’t see this as an isolated incident.
If one of us dies it might be unfortunate that this was left unresolved but that’s where we are. I guess some things just don’t get fixed. Perhaps once anyone dies, sooner or later, does anything matter? What do you think of all this?
– Estranged Sister
( Read more... )
2. DEAR ABBY: I have two sisters. Our mother passed away last year after a bad fall. I was her primary caretaker and was with her every day. The other two sisters were not speaking to her at all, which hurt her deeply. She had dementia but still missed them and would talk about them often. It was all very sad.
When Mom died, my older sister wouldn't tell her goodbye. She didn't attend the funeral and said to everyone who would listen that she wasn't sad. My younger sister arrived -- late -- for the funeral. Afterward, they attacked me -- screaming, cursing, etc. They were angry over small things, like the fact that I used my older sister's maiden name in a DRAFT of Mom's obituary.
I cut them off and have stopped speaking to them and to the rest of the family. I want no details about my life getting back to them, giving them reason to attack me again. The problem is that my entire family is now gone. I am so sad. Not only did I lose my mother, but everyone else as well. Should I approach them? -- WORSE THAN GRIEF IN GEORGIA
( Read more... )