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Dear Sahaj: My husband and I are an older couple (it’s a second marriage for us both), and we love each other and get along very well most of the time. My problem is that he has an annoying tendency to micromanage things that I feel are inconsequential, like how to carry out daily routines, household chores, the laundry and grocery shopping. He often says things like: “Use this pan to make the soup — not that one,” “Squeeze the toothpaste tube this way — not that way,” and “Don’t leave the bathroom door open a crack — close it fully.”
I’ve tried to get him to understand the concept of choosing his battles, but he just keeps micromanaging things every day until I blow up after several weeks, and we end up in an argument! I don’t think that he’s a total control freak, because he doesn’t try to prevent me from things like driving into town to meet a friend for lunch (we live in the countryside) or occasionally attending activities that interest only me. However, he often micromanages me after the fact by admonishing me for the price of gas or how I parked the car in the garage when I returned.
Today’s micromanaging episode inspired me to write. He’s responsible for laundry and — once again — he complained that I threw a sweatshirt in the basket only one day after he finished a load of laundry. He complained about the cost of electricity, water and detergent, but most of all how annoying it is that he can’t enjoy having an empty laundry basket for at least a week. I do re-wear my clothes many times before wanting them washed, but if I stain something I don’t feel comfortable wearing it again and feeling dirty or looking like a pig! These small but daily digs wear down my self-esteem and self-worth.
How can I get him to stop picking at me through micromanaging me and our lives without it ending up in an argument?
— Micro-Managed Wife
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I’ve tried to get him to understand the concept of choosing his battles, but he just keeps micromanaging things every day until I blow up after several weeks, and we end up in an argument! I don’t think that he’s a total control freak, because he doesn’t try to prevent me from things like driving into town to meet a friend for lunch (we live in the countryside) or occasionally attending activities that interest only me. However, he often micromanages me after the fact by admonishing me for the price of gas or how I parked the car in the garage when I returned.
Today’s micromanaging episode inspired me to write. He’s responsible for laundry and — once again — he complained that I threw a sweatshirt in the basket only one day after he finished a load of laundry. He complained about the cost of electricity, water and detergent, but most of all how annoying it is that he can’t enjoy having an empty laundry basket for at least a week. I do re-wear my clothes many times before wanting them washed, but if I stain something I don’t feel comfortable wearing it again and feeling dirty or looking like a pig! These small but daily digs wear down my self-esteem and self-worth.
How can I get him to stop picking at me through micromanaging me and our lives without it ending up in an argument?
— Micro-Managed Wife
( Read more... )