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ysobelDear Amy: My daughter is moving nearby with her husband and 8-month-old son. She has a flexible job and works from an office in her home, and she has asked me to watch my grandson two afternoons a week. (I am retired.)
I love my daughter. She is a wonderful human being, but she can get under my skin like no one else. She has a way of saying mean comments (“He is MY baby!”) or just being thoughtless. (She rarely expresses gratitude for gifts or favors.)
I am highly sensitive, and when I am feeling confident, her behavior does not grate as much, but when I am not feeling confident, it is hard to take. I worry babysitting will strain our relationship, with all of the pitfalls involved (mainly criticism from her). Should I address the issue or just buck up and be a strong grandma?
— Clueless in Carolina
Clueless in Carolina: You should address it in advance, and buck up and be a strong grandma. You never say whether you actually want to take this on, but if you do, then you should establish some clear parameters. You might choose to watch him in your home instead of hers. She would bring him to you, and you would bring him back at a designated time. This removes you from her direct scrutiny.
Talk this through in advance, and let her know that you will try this for two or three months, and that if it does not work out for either of you, she can make another arrangement with no hard feelings (the “strong grandma” part).
I love my daughter. She is a wonderful human being, but she can get under my skin like no one else. She has a way of saying mean comments (“He is MY baby!”) or just being thoughtless. (She rarely expresses gratitude for gifts or favors.)
I am highly sensitive, and when I am feeling confident, her behavior does not grate as much, but when I am not feeling confident, it is hard to take. I worry babysitting will strain our relationship, with all of the pitfalls involved (mainly criticism from her). Should I address the issue or just buck up and be a strong grandma?
— Clueless in Carolina
Clueless in Carolina: You should address it in advance, and buck up and be a strong grandma. You never say whether you actually want to take this on, but if you do, then you should establish some clear parameters. You might choose to watch him in your home instead of hers. She would bring him to you, and you would bring him back at a designated time. This removes you from her direct scrutiny.
Talk this through in advance, and let her know that you will try this for two or three months, and that if it does not work out for either of you, she can make another arrangement with no hard feelings (the “strong grandma” part).