![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
Sep. 24th, 2022
(no subject)
Sep. 24th, 2022 12:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
conulyDear Care and Feeding,
I am the mother of a seventh grader in a progressive city. My child, whom I’ll call R, was born male and never showed any hint of gender dysphoria. Shortly before completing fifth grade, R announced that they identified as non-binary and preferred “they/them” pronouns. They chose a new name and asked members of our immediate family to use this new name and pronouns; we all complied without much fanfare.
Several months later, R requested the use of a different name and the use of “she/her” pronouns. We complied with R’s second name choice (which we use to this day), but we have not switched to using “she/her” pronouns at home. As R’s parents, we have doubts about the permanence of our child’s wish to alter their gender identity and see this more as normal individuation and probably a bit of a response to the “zeitgeist.” (R is a bright, attuned kid who’s always been a little bit socially precocious.)
While R briefly raised the topic of puberty blockers after learning about it from an older kid in an online chat, they have not raised this matter again, despite several opportunities to learn more about this option, including a visit with a physician who specializes in gender identity. We arranged for counseling for R, but after one session R asked to stop, saying that they didn’t really like the therapist and didn’t think it was necessary to continue. In general R is fairly cheerful and doesn’t show any evidence of depression or anxiety. We’re supportive of the rights of transgender people, and we know and respect a number of trans people personally and professionally. However, we think that our kid is probably not authentically trans.
R has indicated to teachers, classmates, and friends that they prefer the use of “she/her” pronouns, and everyone outside the family now refers to our child as “she.” When I’ve used “they/them” pronouns when referring to R, some friends’ parents have picked up on this and asked me what pronouns they should use. I’ve responded that they should probably stick with whatever pronouns their own kids use when talking about R. When I’ve tried to discuss this with R, they’ve been very resistant to any conversation, stating, “I’ve told you what my pronouns are, you didn’t listen, and so I’m not going to talk about this anymore.”
It feels to me like this is probably all part and parcel of a (normal?) power struggle which I’ll admit I often feel like I’m losing. There’s a lot of talk about “parents’ rights,” but apart from the politics, I’m simply trying to do the best thing both for my child while respecting my own feelings about something that feels both very big and very small at the same time. It does not feel authentic to refer to my child as “she,” and I’m struggling with this. Can you advise?
— Perturbed by Pronouns
( Read more... )
I am the mother of a seventh grader in a progressive city. My child, whom I’ll call R, was born male and never showed any hint of gender dysphoria. Shortly before completing fifth grade, R announced that they identified as non-binary and preferred “they/them” pronouns. They chose a new name and asked members of our immediate family to use this new name and pronouns; we all complied without much fanfare.
Several months later, R requested the use of a different name and the use of “she/her” pronouns. We complied with R’s second name choice (which we use to this day), but we have not switched to using “she/her” pronouns at home. As R’s parents, we have doubts about the permanence of our child’s wish to alter their gender identity and see this more as normal individuation and probably a bit of a response to the “zeitgeist.” (R is a bright, attuned kid who’s always been a little bit socially precocious.)
While R briefly raised the topic of puberty blockers after learning about it from an older kid in an online chat, they have not raised this matter again, despite several opportunities to learn more about this option, including a visit with a physician who specializes in gender identity. We arranged for counseling for R, but after one session R asked to stop, saying that they didn’t really like the therapist and didn’t think it was necessary to continue. In general R is fairly cheerful and doesn’t show any evidence of depression or anxiety. We’re supportive of the rights of transgender people, and we know and respect a number of trans people personally and professionally. However, we think that our kid is probably not authentically trans.
R has indicated to teachers, classmates, and friends that they prefer the use of “she/her” pronouns, and everyone outside the family now refers to our child as “she.” When I’ve used “they/them” pronouns when referring to R, some friends’ parents have picked up on this and asked me what pronouns they should use. I’ve responded that they should probably stick with whatever pronouns their own kids use when talking about R. When I’ve tried to discuss this with R, they’ve been very resistant to any conversation, stating, “I’ve told you what my pronouns are, you didn’t listen, and so I’m not going to talk about this anymore.”
It feels to me like this is probably all part and parcel of a (normal?) power struggle which I’ll admit I often feel like I’m losing. There’s a lot of talk about “parents’ rights,” but apart from the politics, I’m simply trying to do the best thing both for my child while respecting my own feelings about something that feels both very big and very small at the same time. It does not feel authentic to refer to my child as “she,” and I’m struggling with this. Can you advise?
— Perturbed by Pronouns
( Read more... )