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ermingardenOur retired neighbor has been sneaking onto our yard to weed and do other yardwork without our permission. At first, we were confused by magically improved areas of our yard; we mow and use a weed whacker, but that’s about it. The mystery was solved when I came home early from work one day and discovered our neighbor hard at work on our lawn. She saw my confusion and said: “I can’t stand clutter anywhere.” We left it at that. I want to confront her now before she starts up again this spring. My husband says let it go. I think her behavior is invasive and comes with an implied rebuke: You don’t care for your lawn properly. Thoughts? -NEIGHBOR
You are absolutely right that your neighbor has been trespassing and violating your property rights. I sympathize with your feelings of invasion. But what really intrigues me here is the weirdness. Your neighbor has been working hard, in secret, to make your yard nicer. I also interpret her comment about clutter differently than you — more as the confession of a neat freak than as a criticism of you.
Don’t misunderstand me. You have every right to stop her. (I would!) But if you go in too hot, as I fear you may, you will destroy your relationship with her. And under these odd circumstances, that seems like a shame. Yes, she made errors in judgment, possibly caused by too much time on her hands or a controlling nature. But let her bounce back from this.
Be measured. Say: “We understand you like your yard kept a certain way. But you have to respect our rights when it comes to our yard. Please stop gardening on our property.” Now, here’s the kicker: Tell her you’re talking to her about this because you value your relationship. Your gentleness could go a long way. After all, she’s still going to be living next door after your talk.
You are absolutely right that your neighbor has been trespassing and violating your property rights. I sympathize with your feelings of invasion. But what really intrigues me here is the weirdness. Your neighbor has been working hard, in secret, to make your yard nicer. I also interpret her comment about clutter differently than you — more as the confession of a neat freak than as a criticism of you.
Don’t misunderstand me. You have every right to stop her. (I would!) But if you go in too hot, as I fear you may, you will destroy your relationship with her. And under these odd circumstances, that seems like a shame. Yes, she made errors in judgment, possibly caused by too much time on her hands or a controlling nature. But let her bounce back from this.
Be measured. Say: “We understand you like your yard kept a certain way. But you have to respect our rights when it comes to our yard. Please stop gardening on our property.” Now, here’s the kicker: Tell her you’re talking to her about this because you value your relationship. Your gentleness could go a long way. After all, she’s still going to be living next door after your talk.
