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Nov. 5th, 2021
(no subject)
Nov. 5th, 2021 12:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
conulyDear Care and Feeding,
Is my sister trying to mess with me through my daughter’s birthday gift? My sister, “Ashley,” and I have never been close. Growing up, our parents always pitted us against each other because (so they have claimed) they thought this dynamic of competition would help us become successful. It did not work, and our relationship has always been strained. The last straw was when my father left more money to me than to Ashley in his will. This seemed to really bother her, and we haven’t talked much since he passed.
Last weekend, my daughter—who is trans—turned 7. My sister knows that “Isabella” is a trans girl, but for her birthday she sent a plush dinosaur. It seems to me that giving Isabella a birthday gift that isn’t girly was a passive-aggressive way of getting at me. So I asked Ashley about it. She claimed that she doesn’t see dinosaurs as particularly gendered and that she herself (supposedly) liked dinosaurs as a child. I don’t buy it. Dinosaurs are known to be a boyish interest. (For what it’s worth, Isabella seemed happy enough about the gift and thanked Ashley over the phone. But I can’t tell if she was just being polite to her aunt.) Am I overthinking this, or am I right to be suspicious?
—Dino Dig
( Read more... )
Is my sister trying to mess with me through my daughter’s birthday gift? My sister, “Ashley,” and I have never been close. Growing up, our parents always pitted us against each other because (so they have claimed) they thought this dynamic of competition would help us become successful. It did not work, and our relationship has always been strained. The last straw was when my father left more money to me than to Ashley in his will. This seemed to really bother her, and we haven’t talked much since he passed.
Last weekend, my daughter—who is trans—turned 7. My sister knows that “Isabella” is a trans girl, but for her birthday she sent a plush dinosaur. It seems to me that giving Isabella a birthday gift that isn’t girly was a passive-aggressive way of getting at me. So I asked Ashley about it. She claimed that she doesn’t see dinosaurs as particularly gendered and that she herself (supposedly) liked dinosaurs as a child. I don’t buy it. Dinosaurs are known to be a boyish interest. (For what it’s worth, Isabella seemed happy enough about the gift and thanked Ashley over the phone. But I can’t tell if she was just being polite to her aunt.) Am I overthinking this, or am I right to be suspicious?
—Dino Dig
( Read more... )
(no subject)
Nov. 5th, 2021 12:27 pmconulyDear Care and Feeding,
I have two kids, a daughter, 8, and a son, 5. My son is a picky eater and has very intense likes and dislikes. He likes enough foods and gets enough calories that our pediatrician is not concerned, but trying to introduce new foods has always been a dramatic struggle. My daughter is a much better eater, and generally does not complain about what is being served or trying new tastes and textures.
My daughter’s birthday was last week, and she requested a strawberry cheesecake. She said it’s her new “favorite” after recently trying it when visiting a friend. I have always baked a chocolate cake from scratch for all my kids’ birthdays. Both my kids like chocolate cake and it is an easy, fun tradition. I know my son would not like cheesecake and would throw a fit if we served a dessert that he didn’t want to eat. So I explained this to my daughter, and she was sad, but understood. I made the chocolate cake like normal, everyone enjoyed it and her birthday dinner went off without a hitch.
I mentioned this to a couple of friends, and they think I handled it wrong. They said that by not giving my daughter the cake she asked for, especially for her birthday, I was teaching her that her needs will only ever come second to her brother’s. They also mentioned that they think this is evidence of a larger pattern in which I rely too much on my daughter’s easy, go-with-the-flow nature to mitigate her brother’s tantrums. I was shocked to hear this. It’s only a birthday cake! And yes, my daughter is the easier child and can be reasoned with at a level my son can’t yet, so I do ask her to be a good role model for her brother and to be the one to compromise when their wants are at odds with one another. But these are good skills for her to have in life and will build a strong foundation for her to be a good person as she grows up. My son will get these lessons too, but I’m not going to make him suffer in the meantime for the principle of it when his sister is happy to go along with what I tell her. I’m just not sure if my friends have a point and I’m actually doing something wrong here. Any advice?
—At Odds Over Cake
( Read more... )
I have two kids, a daughter, 8, and a son, 5. My son is a picky eater and has very intense likes and dislikes. He likes enough foods and gets enough calories that our pediatrician is not concerned, but trying to introduce new foods has always been a dramatic struggle. My daughter is a much better eater, and generally does not complain about what is being served or trying new tastes and textures.
My daughter’s birthday was last week, and she requested a strawberry cheesecake. She said it’s her new “favorite” after recently trying it when visiting a friend. I have always baked a chocolate cake from scratch for all my kids’ birthdays. Both my kids like chocolate cake and it is an easy, fun tradition. I know my son would not like cheesecake and would throw a fit if we served a dessert that he didn’t want to eat. So I explained this to my daughter, and she was sad, but understood. I made the chocolate cake like normal, everyone enjoyed it and her birthday dinner went off without a hitch.
I mentioned this to a couple of friends, and they think I handled it wrong. They said that by not giving my daughter the cake she asked for, especially for her birthday, I was teaching her that her needs will only ever come second to her brother’s. They also mentioned that they think this is evidence of a larger pattern in which I rely too much on my daughter’s easy, go-with-the-flow nature to mitigate her brother’s tantrums. I was shocked to hear this. It’s only a birthday cake! And yes, my daughter is the easier child and can be reasoned with at a level my son can’t yet, so I do ask her to be a good role model for her brother and to be the one to compromise when their wants are at odds with one another. But these are good skills for her to have in life and will build a strong foundation for her to be a good person as she grows up. My son will get these lessons too, but I’m not going to make him suffer in the meantime for the principle of it when his sister is happy to go along with what I tell her. I’m just not sure if my friends have a point and I’m actually doing something wrong here. Any advice?
—At Odds Over Cake
( Read more... )