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Aug. 30th, 2021
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Aug. 30th, 2021 06:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
conulyMy wife and I are the parents of four adult children (ages 22–30). They live all over the country, but we enjoy organizing two to three family visits per year, at our home, when all four children fly in for a long weekend or holiday break.
The issue is one of our middle children, “Caley.” While the other five of us enjoy outdoorsy adventures, Caley is bookish, much preferring to stay inside and read/play board games or perhaps go to a museum. She also enjoys a slower-paced day, with perhaps one activity out of the house. Meanwhile, the five of us enjoy things like mountain biking, downhill skiing, and rock climbing. These adventures often take up a whole day and involve some less-fun portions (like hiking to the climbing area) alongside the fun. Caley used to be a pretty good sport. Lately, however, she’s been balking at joining us for these trips. She’ll either refuse to go outright—staying home by herself all day—or she’ll put a seemingly arbitrary “limit” on what we can do, like a 5-mile hike instead of a 10-miler. Everyone else gets grouchy that their fun is limited because of Caley, and Caley’s grouchy that she’s the odd one out. No one enjoys themselves.
We’ve started just acquiescing and leaving Caley home, but the result is the rest of the family has high-quality bonding time without her—and I know she’s bummed about this. I don’t want her to think of herself as a “black sheep” and I do respect her desire to set boundaries about the level of outdoor activity she engages in. But I also think it’s ridiculous for her to fly across the country only to sit home alone. None of us want to sit inside all day with her. I know that differentiation is an important part of growing up and I’m worried about how to handle this in a way that respects everyone’s wishes. Do you have any advice?
— Not a Bookworm in Boise
( Read more... )
The issue is one of our middle children, “Caley.” While the other five of us enjoy outdoorsy adventures, Caley is bookish, much preferring to stay inside and read/play board games or perhaps go to a museum. She also enjoys a slower-paced day, with perhaps one activity out of the house. Meanwhile, the five of us enjoy things like mountain biking, downhill skiing, and rock climbing. These adventures often take up a whole day and involve some less-fun portions (like hiking to the climbing area) alongside the fun. Caley used to be a pretty good sport. Lately, however, she’s been balking at joining us for these trips. She’ll either refuse to go outright—staying home by herself all day—or she’ll put a seemingly arbitrary “limit” on what we can do, like a 5-mile hike instead of a 10-miler. Everyone else gets grouchy that their fun is limited because of Caley, and Caley’s grouchy that she’s the odd one out. No one enjoys themselves.
We’ve started just acquiescing and leaving Caley home, but the result is the rest of the family has high-quality bonding time without her—and I know she’s bummed about this. I don’t want her to think of herself as a “black sheep” and I do respect her desire to set boundaries about the level of outdoor activity she engages in. But I also think it’s ridiculous for her to fly across the country only to sit home alone. None of us want to sit inside all day with her. I know that differentiation is an important part of growing up and I’m worried about how to handle this in a way that respects everyone’s wishes. Do you have any advice?
— Not a Bookworm in Boise
( Read more... )