Dear Miss Manners: an extra ticket to a theatre production

[lilysea]

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend called me to say she and her husband “had an extra ticket” to a theater production that night (their daughter had canceled). Would I like to join them? We would go to dinner first and then proceed to the theater. The play was not one I would have chosen, but I readily said yes, as I had no plans and enjoy these friends very much.

The dinner bill came and of course I expected to pay my share. However, as the husband hovered over the bill, he mentioned that I should also add in the price of the theater ticket (his wife was nodding).

I was shocked and uncomfortable, as no mention had been made about me reimbursing them for the unused ticket. In my experience, an extra ticket is normally freely given at the last minute, or at the very least, the cost of said ticket should be mentioned upfront when “inviting” someone to take it. When I have been a recipient in the past, I have silently noted the generosity and found a suitable way to reciprocate later.

This ticket was expensive, but I readily paid the total amount. Frankly, I felt a bit used and did not entirely enjoy the rest of the evening. I am single and get by OK, while my friends are quite wealthy. Where did they, or I, go wrong from an etiquette standpoint?

GENTLE READER: If your friends expected you to pay, then, as you said, they should have mentioned it: “We have an extra ticket to sell. We thought we would offer it to you first.”

Since they did not do this, Miss Manners agrees that you were justified in feeling put out. To avoid this happening again, she recommends that the next time you are invited to a paid event without a mention of price, you could ask, “How much do I owe you?” in the hope that the issuers would demur politely. And if they did not, at least you would be prepared to demur politely yourself.