Well, half this advice doesn't suck

[conuly]

DEAR ABBY: I'm the mom of an 18-year-old daughter, "Leia." We have always tried to keep the lines of communication open with our children, and we have what I think is a strong, positive familial bond.

My best friend recently informed me that Leia has an Instagram account that's publicly accessible. I can't find her account when I search, which means she has me blocked. The account was created three years ago when she was a minor. I'm not happy with this. When asked back then, Leia told us repeatedly she didn't have an Instagram account -- but I always suspected she did, as most young people her age are engaged in social media.

I would like Leia to unblock me so I can see her beautiful pictures. I'm not a harsh critic or negative person, though Leia often interprets my comments that way. I think she has blocked me because she considers any observations or comments I might make to be parental surveillance. I've told her, repeatedly, that I'm not trying to keep tabs on her.

We have always given our kids what we think is a high level of personal freedom. I just want to see the beautiful images she posts. How do I gently bring this up to her, and ask her to allow me to see her account? -- BLOCKED IN NEW YORK

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(no subject)

[conuly]

DEAR ABBY: My stepson has invited my husband and me to his home for Thanksgiving this year. After agreeing to go, I found out that the meal will consist of vegetarian lasagna. I feel this is inconsiderate of my stepson and his wife because they know my husband and I have always enjoyed traditional Thanksgiving (including the Thanksgiving meal of roasted turkey). Please, what is your opinion? I feel like it's just not Thanksgiving without the turkey. -- WANTING A FEAST IN THE SOUTH

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Ew.

[conuly]

Dear Prudence,

My girlfriend and I are queer. My girlfriend never learned to cook beyond a microwave growing up, but has started trying things out at home. I am extremely proud of her. She made Texan style hatch chili for the first time in a big batch because a grocery sale caught her eye. My parents had new neighbors moving in and invited them over for dinner. We offered to bring the chili, buns, and shredded cheese to make everyone chili burgers. It all went swimmingly until the neighbor’s kid asked to try the chili, so my girlfriend offered me a taste from the pot. The kid hated it- and spit the food right back into the pot!

My girlfriend and I were just stunned, while the mother just started cackling like it was the funniest joke ever. The father started in that my parents should have “known” to have extra food because that is just how kids are. My girlfriend was very upset for her hard work getting thrown in the trash and started to tear up. And my mother hissed at her not to make a scene and then was all honey and hugs with this family of assholes. My girlfriend and I left as soon as possible and she later cried in the car.

I later confronted my parents, who told me that my girlfriend was too sensitive and they didn’t want to start off on a bad foot with their neighbors. My parents and I have always had our ups and downs, but this takes the cake. They never would have let a stranger treat my sister or sister-in-law like this. We are going to skip the family holidays now. Last year, we went to my girlfriend’s parents for all of them, so my family will take notice of our absence. Do I bother to even bring this up? They have accused me of picking fights before.

—Spitting Mad

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Nobody believes this LW, absolutely nobody

[conuly]

Dear Care and Feeding,

My 12 year old granddaughter hates me, and has for a number of years. She won’t even let me hug her. I take her and her friends to fun places every weekend. But if I call her she won’t answer. I have no idea why she hates me. I get no help from her parents and they have no problem with her constantly saying nasty things to me. Should I give up?

—Hated by my Granddaughter

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This is a very simple problem, and LW is over-complicating it

[conuly]

Dear Prudence,

I grew up in a very small town. There were 20 kids in my graduating class. And we all messed around. We were kids and bored and horny. Well, I brought my girlfriend to meet my parents. We ran into several of my old high school friends—including old “girlfriends” (as in one I had actual sex with and a few second or third bases). One, “Maya,” is married to one of my younger cousins. She made an off-color joke about keeping it in the family after a few beers.

My girlfriend got very quiet. Later, she grilled me about my entire romantic past and I stupidly spilled the beans. As much as I can remember—it has been over a decade. The entire trip was tense and miserable. When we got home, my girlfriend kept picking fights with me over stupid stuff like liking a queer friend’s vacation photos. We met in college, and we all were physically affectionate, but she is gay. My girlfriend got cheated on by her ex with one of his “friendly” exes.

She insists that she doesn’t have a problem, but I am asking why she is freaking out over something stupid that happened when I was a teenager. I have never cheated on a woman in my life. I offered to let her look through my phone and she confessed she already did. I don’t know how to proceed here. If she was apologetic, I think we could move past this. But she is defiant and told me that any sane person would be suspicious after the visit and my “confession.” To teenage shenanigans. I feel like I have been put on trial without getting into a courtroom. My upbringing was vastly different from my girlfriend’s. She grew up in a city and moved around a lot. She never had to consider the friends of her grandparents and great-grandparents or different generational feuds. I love her, but what now?

—Home Visit

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