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minoanmiss2024-11-09 11:31 pm
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minoanmiss2024-11-09 11:31 pmWTF did I just read?
Dear Carolyn: Ever since we started dating, our parents have been very opinionated about what the people my brother and I date should look like. They’ve completely alienated my brother and his wife because they were so vocal about her being all wrong for him. They wanted him to marry a petite woman because he is short, and they insisted he didn’t “look right” with a tall woman. But my brother loves tall, curvy women, and he married one. They were distraught, as if he married an ax murderer or something. She is an awesome person. They came around, but my sister-in-law never warmed to them.
They insist my boyfriends must be tall and blond with blue eyes because I am tall and blond, and that way we would look right together, and so would our children. They hate my not-tall, Greek-immigrant boyfriend. We are getting engaged soon, and I just know they will carry on like they did when my brother got engaged.
Other than this quirk, they’re not bad people. Any ideas how I can head them off?
— Anonymous
( Read more... )
They insist my boyfriends must be tall and blond with blue eyes because I am tall and blond, and that way we would look right together, and so would our children. They hate my not-tall, Greek-immigrant boyfriend. We are getting engaged soon, and I just know they will carry on like they did when my brother got engaged.
Other than this quirk, they’re not bad people. Any ideas how I can head them off?
— Anonymous
( Read more... )
minoanmiss2024-04-28 05:04 pm
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"What Do We Tell Our Child About His Racist Grandmother?"
Can we tell him she’s dead?
Dear Care and Feeding,
I am a woman of color, married to a white man for the past six years; we have a beautiful 3-month-old son together. Our problem is my husband’s mother, who lives in England. I’ve always known that she is a bigot who merely tolerated me as a daughter-in-law, but she exposed herself as a full-blown racist when we told her I was pregnant: She said really ugly things about her family’s bloodline being sullied by my child. (I won’t repeat the words she used.)
My husband was horrified and embarrassed and supports my cutting off all communication with her. I no longer see her during our visits to the U.K. (several times a year) and I am resolute she will never lay her eyes on our child. My husband continues to maintain a relationship with her out of a sense of duty since she is also estranged from other members of her family for different reasons and is pretty much on her own. When he visits her, they don’t discuss me or our child. As weird as it is, I am okay with him having a relationship with her—she is no longer my problem.
However, I do worry about what we will tell our son about his grandmother when he starts to wonder who and where she is—especially since his other grandma (my mom) is extremely close to us and we see her every couple of weeks. When he is old enough to ask, do we tell him that his English grandmother is dead? Do we tell him that we don’t see her because she is a bad person? I’m torn about how to be truthful without hurting our kid about who he is—or perhaps more likely, hurting him with the truth about the ugliness in his dad’s side of the family.
Any advice on how to navigate this?
—Grandma’s Gone
( Read more... )
Dear Care and Feeding,
I am a woman of color, married to a white man for the past six years; we have a beautiful 3-month-old son together. Our problem is my husband’s mother, who lives in England. I’ve always known that she is a bigot who merely tolerated me as a daughter-in-law, but she exposed herself as a full-blown racist when we told her I was pregnant: She said really ugly things about her family’s bloodline being sullied by my child. (I won’t repeat the words she used.)
My husband was horrified and embarrassed and supports my cutting off all communication with her. I no longer see her during our visits to the U.K. (several times a year) and I am resolute she will never lay her eyes on our child. My husband continues to maintain a relationship with her out of a sense of duty since she is also estranged from other members of her family for different reasons and is pretty much on her own. When he visits her, they don’t discuss me or our child. As weird as it is, I am okay with him having a relationship with her—she is no longer my problem.
However, I do worry about what we will tell our son about his grandmother when he starts to wonder who and where she is—especially since his other grandma (my mom) is extremely close to us and we see her every couple of weeks. When he is old enough to ask, do we tell him that his English grandmother is dead? Do we tell him that we don’t see her because she is a bad person? I’m torn about how to be truthful without hurting our kid about who he is—or perhaps more likely, hurting him with the truth about the ugliness in his dad’s side of the family.
Any advice on how to navigate this?
—Grandma’s Gone
( Read more... )Ms Understanding: How do I cope with racism?
Sisonke Msimang, writing as Ms Understanding at Guardian Australia:
( CN: workplace racism, victimization )
( CN: workplace racism, victimization )jadelennox2023-01-02 10:21 pmEntry tags:
A Bintel Brief: a photo of my employee in blackface — 40 years ago
( content note: blackface in the 1980's, but not today )
Source at The Forward. And in a later column, (mostly extremely bad) reader responses.
ermingarden2022-06-07 09:20 pmEntry tags:
The Ethicist: Can I Withhold Medical Care From a Bigot?
I am a physician, and last year, I took care of a white female patient in the hospital for a bacterial bloodstream infection. A few days into her stay, she began referring to Black staff members by the N-word and to our receptionist by an anti-gay slur. As the supervising physician, I made it clear that this was unacceptable. In general, with challenging patient behavior, I find it best to clearly lay out expectations and the consequences for violating them. So before talking to her, I discussed the situation with the nursing staff and hospital risk management, and we concluded that if she persisted in using this language, we would discharge her from the hospital, against her will if necessary.
( Read more... )
( Read more... )Entry tags:
Oh Alison noooooo
Today's Ask a Manager includes a repost of a letter from a few years ago, but one where the additional details in the comments (not included in the repost itself) make a HUGE difference in the situation.
https://www.askamanager.org/2022/05/our-receptionist-is-rude-to-people.html
( Our Receptionist is Rude to People as crossposted from Slate )
https://www.askamanager.org/2022/05/our-receptionist-is-rude-to-people.html
( Our Receptionist is Rude to People as crossposted from Slate )minoanmiss2022-04-27 11:22 amEntry tags:
Ask a Manager: How Is This A Question?
Actual title beneath cut, along with a content warning for discussion of slurs. ( Read more... )
( Read more... )(no subject)
Dear Amy,
Am I racist?
A couple of teenagers were at my front door, and I shouted to my husband: "Hey, there are some Black kids at the door, and I don't have time to deal with them."
Kids at the door in my neighborhood are usually selling something or are looking for yard work.
My biracial future daughter-in-law was present when I did this and took offense. Apparently, behind my back, she and my stepson discussed how "un-woke" I am.
Anyway, I love these two so much that as soon as I learned she had been offended, I immediately sent a note of apology to her.
I am in my 60s and was raised in the South.
My grandfather referred to all Black people using the N word.
However, I was active in civil rights during my youth.
I was the first white student at my high school who insisted to be put on bathroom cleaning duty just like the students of color had to. (The white students got to work in the office.)
As a reporter for a newspaper in the South, I had a gun pulled on me as I was covering a boycott of white businesses.
But these kids have never bothered to ask.
I meant no harm referring to these teens as "Black kids."
I don't enjoy receiving a lecture on being "woke" from two suburban Midwesterners, one of whom has traveled the world working with the disadvantaged.
I know their hearts are in the right place, but what about giving someone the benefit of a doubt, before inferring they are racist?
( Read more... )
Am I racist?
A couple of teenagers were at my front door, and I shouted to my husband: "Hey, there are some Black kids at the door, and I don't have time to deal with them."
Kids at the door in my neighborhood are usually selling something or are looking for yard work.
My biracial future daughter-in-law was present when I did this and took offense. Apparently, behind my back, she and my stepson discussed how "un-woke" I am.
Anyway, I love these two so much that as soon as I learned she had been offended, I immediately sent a note of apology to her.
I am in my 60s and was raised in the South.
My grandfather referred to all Black people using the N word.
However, I was active in civil rights during my youth.
I was the first white student at my high school who insisted to be put on bathroom cleaning duty just like the students of color had to. (The white students got to work in the office.)
As a reporter for a newspaper in the South, I had a gun pulled on me as I was covering a boycott of white businesses.
But these kids have never bothered to ask.
I meant no harm referring to these teens as "Black kids."
I don't enjoy receiving a lecture on being "woke" from two suburban Midwesterners, one of whom has traveled the world working with the disadvantaged.
I know their hearts are in the right place, but what about giving someone the benefit of a doubt, before inferring they are racist?
( Read more... )(no subject)
DEAR ABBY: I was deeply hurt after going to a barbecue at my oldest daughter's home. It was to celebrate my granddaughter's fourth birthday. My daughter's husband is from Thailand. He barbecued beautiful dishes of shrimp and something that looked like a gigantic crawfish. While my daughter is accustomed to and enjoys this food, she and her husband are aware that I, my husband, her sister and her niece are not accustomed to it. We simply do not like the flavor and texture.
When I asked my daughter if there were any hot dogs they could grill, at least for my 9-year-old granddaughter, she got angry and said she eats what her husband cooks. I felt our part of the family was not even being considered. I was hurt for my youngest daughter and my other granddaughter, who had literally nothing to eat that they would even remotely like. Am I wrong for feeling ignored being invited to a barbecue where my daughter knew all the food being offered were things we wouldn't like? -- RUINED MY APPETITE
( Read more... )
When I asked my daughter if there were any hot dogs they could grill, at least for my 9-year-old granddaughter, she got angry and said she eats what her husband cooks. I felt our part of the family was not even being considered. I was hurt for my youngest daughter and my other granddaughter, who had literally nothing to eat that they would even remotely like. Am I wrong for feeling ignored being invited to a barbecue where my daughter knew all the food being offered were things we wouldn't like? -- RUINED MY APPETITE
( Read more... )
minoanmiss2021-06-15 12:02 pm
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