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agonyaunt2024-07-01 09:00 am
minoanmiss) wrote in agonyaunt2024-07-01 09:00 am
Entry tags:
Ask Amy: College Student Worries About Racism At Home
Dear Amy: I’m a college student from the suburbs of San Francisco. I’ve been attending college in New York.
My best friend from school is coming to visit me this summer, and I couldn’t be more excited! But, excitement aside, I do have concerns.
In a time where people of color, especially men, are having the police called on them for everything from waiting for a friend in Starbucks to taking a nap in a common area of a dorm building, I am worried about my neighbors’ potential reaction to a man of color showing up in their predominantly white suburb.
I have toyed with the idea of making a post on nextdoor.com[a neighborhood social media site] asking people to think twice before panicking, should they see my friend walking down the street, as he belongs there as much as they do, but I know my county prides itself on being a liberal and progressive area, and I don’t want to insult anyone.
I don’t want to upset my community by accusing them of racist behavior I have never witnessed, but I am aware of incidents taking place in similar communities.
I do not know what to do to offend as few people as possible, while still trying to make sure my friend feels safe and welcome in the place I call home.
Your suggestion?
– Toeing the Line
Dear Toeing the Line: In recent neighborhood news, “neighbors” in a community similar to yours called the police because they saw an African-American firefighter (in uniform) performing a safety inspection in the neighborhood. The firefighter’s white (female) colleague said that in the future, she would accompany him on neighborhood sprinkler checks, basically for his own safety.
You should start this process by notifying your friend that your neighbors are somewhat likely to “panic” and call the police if he is bold enough to walk through the neighborhood while also being Black.
Strangely, you seem to worry more about offending your neighbors by challenging their lofty notions of themselves than you do about the risk posed to your friend if he walks through your neighborhood alone.
I have two suggestions: Challenge your neighbors out loud to actually let a Black man — any Black man — walk through the neighborhood unchallenged, not because he is your special guest, but because he is a human being walking down a sidewalk.
Also, be completely honest with your friend about the kind of community he would be visiting, and the physical or psychological annoyance (or worse) he could face, simply by being there.
(July 2019)
My best friend from school is coming to visit me this summer, and I couldn’t be more excited! But, excitement aside, I do have concerns.
In a time where people of color, especially men, are having the police called on them for everything from waiting for a friend in Starbucks to taking a nap in a common area of a dorm building, I am worried about my neighbors’ potential reaction to a man of color showing up in their predominantly white suburb.
I have toyed with the idea of making a post on nextdoor.com[a neighborhood social media site] asking people to think twice before panicking, should they see my friend walking down the street, as he belongs there as much as they do, but I know my county prides itself on being a liberal and progressive area, and I don’t want to insult anyone.
I don’t want to upset my community by accusing them of racist behavior I have never witnessed, but I am aware of incidents taking place in similar communities.
I do not know what to do to offend as few people as possible, while still trying to make sure my friend feels safe and welcome in the place I call home.
Your suggestion?
– Toeing the Line
Dear Toeing the Line: In recent neighborhood news, “neighbors” in a community similar to yours called the police because they saw an African-American firefighter (in uniform) performing a safety inspection in the neighborhood. The firefighter’s white (female) colleague said that in the future, she would accompany him on neighborhood sprinkler checks, basically for his own safety.
You should start this process by notifying your friend that your neighbors are somewhat likely to “panic” and call the police if he is bold enough to walk through the neighborhood while also being Black.
Strangely, you seem to worry more about offending your neighbors by challenging their lofty notions of themselves than you do about the risk posed to your friend if he walks through your neighborhood alone.
I have two suggestions: Challenge your neighbors out loud to actually let a Black man — any Black man — walk through the neighborhood unchallenged, not because he is your special guest, but because he is a human being walking down a sidewalk.
Also, be completely honest with your friend about the kind of community he would be visiting, and the physical or psychological annoyance (or worse) he could face, simply by being there.
(July 2019)
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IDK. Maybe there’s NextDoor communities that aren’t awful. But the one I used to be in sure was, and I spent way too much time getting into debates with NIMBYs that never changed their minds. I’ve heard similar awful-NextDoor stories from too many people to believe my experience was an anomaly.
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If it weren't for
my response was going to be "I would tell my friend what kind of place I live in, ask if he wants to meet up someplace less horrible instead, and plan to move as soon as possible after college."
With that sentence, however, my vibe is that this letter is less "I live in a particularly racist cesspool" and more "when I left my white lib rich sundown town for the first time to (1) go to college in (2) a diverse city where I (3) made my first Black and Latino friends, the scales fell from my eyes and I became enlightened, for lo! there is racism in the world." And if it's the latter, good for LW for realizing that, and their POC male friend probably knows what kind of town they're traveling to.
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