Surprise Revelation Of Twins' Paternity Is A Family Bombshell

[conuly]

DEAR ABBY: My son's new wife -- who has a daughter -- insisted that his two children are not biologically his. After a DNA test, it turns out she was right. They aren't. My son, my husband and I are heartbroken. His twins are 10, and they don't understand what's going on.

My husband and I are trying to gently remain in their lives with phone calls and limited visits. My son's wife refuses to visit with us until we stop communicating with the children, promise never to talk about them and display no pictures in our home. She's trying to convince our son to stop seeing us, as well. What to do? -- DISAPPOINTED IN TEXAS

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: Those children, regardless of who their birth father is, were raised believing you and your husband are their grandparents. If you love them, do not knuckle under to your son's new wife or it will be only the beginning of how she will attempt to control you.

She does not have the right to dictate who you (or your son, for that matter) see and communicate with. She also does not have the right to order you to remove any object from your home.

If your son opts to turn his back on those children, that's a decision only he can make. If he also chooses to turn his back on you, then you raised a milquetoast instead of a man.

https://www.arcamax.com/healthandspirit/lifeadvice/dearabby/s-2479655

Comments

[conuly]

Wow, DIL is way, way, way out of line here.

[jadelennox]

True, but not as out of line as the son. The son never should've agreed to the paternity test in the first place, but if he had a good reason to (e.g. genetic counseling), he should have not gone into the situation under any kind of agreement that if the kids were not his he would stop seeing them. He believed for a decade that they were his kids. If he stopped seeing them just because of this paternity test, he can be yeeted straight into the son. And if his new wife insisted upon it, his responsibility was to DTMFA and maintain his relationship with his kids. And if he is allowing his wife to make this ultimatum to his parents, then, seriously, the pair of them deserve each other, and nobody else deserves either of them.

[conuly]

I see your point - but given how far out of line New Wife is, and how much this sounds like an abuse situation, I'm giving him a tiny bit less horrible points.

[watersword]

What the actual fuck is going on here. There are some, uh, gaps in this narrative.

[minoanmiss]

this. so much this. what the flip.

[cereta]

Very large ones.

[mommy]

Yes, indeed.

[jamoche]

I've seen a lot of AITA stepparents who think Cinderella's stepmom was a role model - they'd do anything to push their new spouse's kids out of the family. This one thinks she's found the perfect excuse to do so and Son appears to be going along with it. Definitely both TA here.

[cereta]

UGH, why do people do this shit? Why do they cheat? Why do they lie? Why do they have DNA tests done on children they have raised and loved for 10 years? Okay, I could see wanting to know for medical reasons or to know if your spouse cheated, but why does it change how you feel about them?

It is...really unclear here just how this situation is resolving itself. Is son still married to his wife? Is she threatening to stop visiting them without the children? Do the LW and spouse still regard themselves as the children's grandparents, or are they somehow denying that relationship (not that they're not bio grandparents, but aren't grandparents at all), or talking about their son as if he's not their father (which, legally, he pretty much is, but how is he presenting the situation?)? That's one reason I could see for wife keeping the kids away, but there is something very, very large missing here.

[juniperphoenix]

The letter is confusingly worded, but my read was that the son recently remarried and the twins are from a previous relationship. New wife is trying to kick out stepchildren who have been part of the family longer than she has.

[cereta]

Oh, wow, yeah, I missed the "new" in "new wife," and that pretty much makes her unreservedly vile.

[torachan]

Ohhhhh! I did see the "new" in new wife, but I still thought the children were hers (like she had kids with him ten years ago but they were only just now gettng married) and for some reason she was having a DNA test to prove to him that the kids weren't his and I was so confused. But I think your reading is what happened and now it makes a lot more sense. New wife sounds terrible.

[topaz_eyes]

Holy crap you can drive entire semis through the holes in this story...

My soap opera brain thinks money may be involved somewhere, perhaps an inheritance, or a legal or insurance settlement; anything to do with beneficiaries. It doesn't have to be on the son's side either, it could be on the new wife's side.

Either way, it doesn't change the fact that LW's son is the father of his twins in every way that matters. The twins are completely innocent here, and their needs must come first. (Especially if the son's previous wife is no longer in the picture.)

[jadelennox]

I agree with your soap opera brain. My reading is that the new wife told the son that he shouldn't be paying child support because the kids weren't his (although that's not actually the way child support agreements often work; if he raised the children, then they are his children).

but in either case both members of this couple are utterly horrible.

[shirou]

So the son’s new wife suspected her husband’s twin children weren’t biologically related to him and turned out to be right. Presumably the kids live with their mother. Now the new wife has convinced her husband to cut the twins out of his life—LW doesn’t say this, but it’s the only way I can make sense of the letter—and is pressuring him to cut out his parents unless they, too, cease contact with the twins and pretend they never existed.

Not that anyone in this community needs reminding, but a ten-year relationship is real and not invalidated by a DNA test.

The new wife is a horrible human being, and so is LW’s son for giving in to her demands. LW is in a terrible position to have to choose between her son and grandchildren, but the son is at fault, and the grandchildren are innocent victims. LW, please choose your grandchildren.

[watersword]

Thank you for unpacking this, I was genuinely confused about who was who here. That said, I stand by my reaction: what the fuck.

[shirou]

You are welcome! The letter was written obtusely. And I agree with you completely: What the fuck is wrong with these people!? Those poor kids.

[harpers_child]

There are a lot of "abuser" red flags in this for the new wife. She's isolating him.

[swingandswirl]

THIS. Dude needs to dump her ass, stat.

Those poor kids. The poor family, really, absent new wife.