Dear Harriette: "Daughter Must Become Aware"

[lilysea]

DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage daughter and her best friend often spend time together after school. I got word from a friend that he saw them walking in a busy commercial neighborhood, and he was worried about them.
He said they looked innocent, but he was sure young men would be interested in them because they looked provocative, even though he said they weren’t necessarily dressed in a sexy way. He said, as a guy, he knows how guys can look at innocent girls like that. He told me he didn’t speak to them and might not have told me, but since I ran into him he thought I should know.
How can I handle this situation? I know my daughter has to grow up, and I am figuring out how to protect her and to let her have some independence. -- In the Balance, Manhattan, New York

DEAR IN THE BALANCE: Your job is to constantly teach your daughter how to protect herself as she is growing up. She should always be mindful of her surroundings, and -- as she is doing -- it is best to travel at least in pairs.
For your friend, ask him to speak to her whenever he sees her so she knows someone who cares about her is looking out for her. Ask him to tell you whenever he sees her. Then when you tell her she will realize, as the old folks used to say, you do have eyes in the back of your head. We need a village to help protect and raise our children to keep them safe.

Comments

[jadelennox]

This with an extra helping of "watch this man carefully because he really sounds like a predator."

[xenacryst]

Yes, this. Listen to what the dude is telling you. When he says he knows how men look at them, he's saying HE saw them as sexy. And if he thinks that's an appropriate way to signal that to you, he's probing you - maybe unconsciously, but he's trying to see how much he can get away with at some level. If, on the other hand, he actually had their best interests in mind, he'd say something like, "Oh, hey, I saw your kid the other day - do you think she'd mind if I said quick hello when I saw her? She looked like she was having a great time, so I didn't want to intrude with grownup stuff."

Of course, if he has to even have that conversation with dad, that's telling me something. I know a number of kids, ranging in age from under 10 to, well, they grew up and ain't kids anymore. I know them, and I know their parents, and if I happened to see one of them around town, I'd already have enough of a relationship with them to know whether saying hi would be welcome. And more to the point, they would have an idea of what I was about, and have a number of resources to call on if they thought I was sketchy.