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minoanmiss2022-06-09 01:31 pm2022-06-09
minoanmiss2022-06-09 01:31 pm
lemonsharks2022-06-09 01:39 pmEntry tags:
surprisingly good relationship advice from Harriete
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been with my girlfriend for almost a year now. She recently told me that she still has a lot of the gifts that an ex-boyfriend gave her.
I got a lot of pushback from her when I told her that it made me uncomfortable that she still has the gifts. I think that her unwillingness to part with them may signify an emotional attachment to the items — and thus an emotional attachment to the person who gave them to her.
Could I be overthinking this?
- Throw Them Out
DEAR THROW THEM OUT: Start by assessing what the gifts are.
I wouldn’t automatically say that your girlfriend is holding on to old feelings about her ex because she has some stuff he gave her. It could simply be that she likes the things.
Ask her and listen to what she has to say. I would be worried if she seems to go down memory lane when she speaks of her ex or of the items in question.
The reality is that if you date someone who previously was with someone else, it is likely that the person may have items from the ex. Even more, there surely are memories of their times together. You may want to know a bit about what she liked about this person, how they spent their time and why they broke up.
Rather than automatically wanting her to expunge any memory of him from her life, learn about her past. Allow her to learn about yours as well, and see where this path of mutual discovery leads you.
I got a lot of pushback from her when I told her that it made me uncomfortable that she still has the gifts. I think that her unwillingness to part with them may signify an emotional attachment to the items — and thus an emotional attachment to the person who gave them to her.
Could I be overthinking this?
- Throw Them Out
DEAR THROW THEM OUT: Start by assessing what the gifts are.
I wouldn’t automatically say that your girlfriend is holding on to old feelings about her ex because she has some stuff he gave her. It could simply be that she likes the things.
Ask her and listen to what she has to say. I would be worried if she seems to go down memory lane when she speaks of her ex or of the items in question.
The reality is that if you date someone who previously was with someone else, it is likely that the person may have items from the ex. Even more, there surely are memories of their times together. You may want to know a bit about what she liked about this person, how they spent their time and why they broke up.
Rather than automatically wanting her to expunge any memory of him from her life, learn about her past. Allow her to learn about yours as well, and see where this path of mutual discovery leads you.
ermingarden2022-06-09 03:25 pmSocial Q's: I'm Not Your Caterer!
Third letter here.
My social circle consists of nine women in our early 30s. Most of us have been close since high school. A few of the women follow vegetarian diets. The problem: We get together frequently, and when we do, it is quietly assumed that all (or most) of the food options will be vegetarian. Worse, the vegetarians rarely bring their own food to these dinners or express gratitude to the hosts for all the vegetarian options provided. I am a carnivore, and I am beginning to resent this! Is it really up to us to accommodate the vegetarians?
MEAT LOVER
I think it’s weird that you see a “quiet” conspiracy in the sensitivity of hosts. The menus at your friends’ dinner parties are none of your business. And unless the dinners are potlucks, it would be strange for guests to bring their own food (as you seem to want the vegetarians alone to do) without calling in advance to ask.
When it’s your turn to host, exercise your prerogative: Prepare the carnivore’s dish of your choice, ideally with salad and vegetables to sustain the vegetarians for one meal. I know divisiveness is in fashion these days, but let’s draw the line at dinner parties, shall we?
My social circle consists of nine women in our early 30s. Most of us have been close since high school. A few of the women follow vegetarian diets. The problem: We get together frequently, and when we do, it is quietly assumed that all (or most) of the food options will be vegetarian. Worse, the vegetarians rarely bring their own food to these dinners or express gratitude to the hosts for all the vegetarian options provided. I am a carnivore, and I am beginning to resent this! Is it really up to us to accommodate the vegetarians?
MEAT LOVER
I think it’s weird that you see a “quiet” conspiracy in the sensitivity of hosts. The menus at your friends’ dinner parties are none of your business. And unless the dinners are potlucks, it would be strange for guests to bring their own food (as you seem to want the vegetarians alone to do) without calling in advance to ask.
When it’s your turn to host, exercise your prerogative: Prepare the carnivore’s dish of your choice, ideally with salad and vegetables to sustain the vegetarians for one meal. I know divisiveness is in fashion these days, but let’s draw the line at dinner parties, shall we?
