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Two letters on guests and prayer/church
1. Dear Miss Manners: I am expecting houseguests, and their visit will include a Sunday morning. Normal Sunday mornings for us include a church service; we only stay home if someone in the house is ill or the roads are unsafe due to weather.
Our guests will be invited to join us at church, but if they decline, ought I stay at home with them? Or is it acceptable to leave them at the house with a generous supply of coffee, pastries and the Sunday paper?
There is no need for you to skip church. Miss Manners assures you that a quiet Sunday, with ample provisions, is the answer to your guests’ wishes — if not their prayers.
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2. Dear Amy: All of the kids in our family were brought up with religion not being a part of our lives. We are all over 60 now and recently my wife and I were invited over for Easter dinner at my sister’s place. Suddenly, my brother-in-law starts saying grace. It’s not important to me, so I just sat there. After dinner was over, my sister said to me, “You could at least have bowed your head.”
Religion was never a part of our family and I felt it wrong for her to all of a sudden expect me to have to bend to their new beliefs. I don’t care if they say grace, it’s just not my thing. Your thoughts?
— No Grace for Me
No Grace: Ironic, isn’t it — that you were guests at this house for Easter dinner, which — last time I checked — is a Christian holiday. It’s simple good manners to respect other people’s faith practices, especially while in their homes. In my opinion, this respect can be demonstrated by sitting quietly while they say a blessing, and not judging them afterward. I don’t think it is necessary to bow your head, but would you bow your head if a blessing was being said at a sports stadium? If so, then you should do so at someone’s table.
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Our guests will be invited to join us at church, but if they decline, ought I stay at home with them? Or is it acceptable to leave them at the house with a generous supply of coffee, pastries and the Sunday paper?
There is no need for you to skip church. Miss Manners assures you that a quiet Sunday, with ample provisions, is the answer to your guests’ wishes — if not their prayers.
Link
2. Dear Amy: All of the kids in our family were brought up with religion not being a part of our lives. We are all over 60 now and recently my wife and I were invited over for Easter dinner at my sister’s place. Suddenly, my brother-in-law starts saying grace. It’s not important to me, so I just sat there. After dinner was over, my sister said to me, “You could at least have bowed your head.”
Religion was never a part of our family and I felt it wrong for her to all of a sudden expect me to have to bend to their new beliefs. I don’t care if they say grace, it’s just not my thing. Your thoughts?
— No Grace for Me
No Grace: Ironic, isn’t it — that you were guests at this house for Easter dinner, which — last time I checked — is a Christian holiday. It’s simple good manners to respect other people’s faith practices, especially while in their homes. In my opinion, this respect can be demonstrated by sitting quietly while they say a blessing, and not judging them afterward. I don’t think it is necessary to bow your head, but would you bow your head if a blessing was being said at a sports stadium? If so, then you should do so at someone’s table.
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As for Amy, there is no sign that LW2 was judging Sister or, more importantly, acting judgmental. And no, I wouldn't bow my head in a sports stadium. That is not a place that public prayer belongs. I'd be more likely to write a firm letter on the subject to the management.
Sister was very, very much in the wrong. The fact that Easter is a religious holiday has nothing to do with LW2's behavior.
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There was nothing to indicate that LW didn’t sit quietly, and nothing to indicate that LW judged their sister afterward. The issue was about LW’s sister insisting on religious observance from secular visitors.
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I don't know whether LW's sister was looking for an apology, or expected LW and his wife to promise to bow their heads next time without explicitly being asked, or both. I might be tempted to snark back with something like "and you could at least have asked beforehand."
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(LW1? You’re cool; you consider the preferences and comfort of your guests and are willing to live and let live. So are you, Miss Manners.)
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Ooh yes.
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i don't love the practice myself, but it's been common in the US since 1918
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CORANvT8l9A
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