Two letters on guests and prayer/church

[conuly]

1. Dear Miss Manners: I am expecting houseguests, and their visit will include a Sunday morning. Normal Sunday mornings for us include a church service; we only stay home if someone in the house is ill or the roads are unsafe due to weather.

Our guests will be invited to join us at church, but if they decline, ought I stay at home with them? Or is it acceptable to leave them at the house with a generous supply of coffee, pastries and the Sunday paper?

There is no need for you to skip church. Miss Manners assures you that a quiet Sunday, with ample provisions, is the answer to your guests’ wishes — if not their prayers.

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2. Dear Amy: All of the kids in our family were brought up with religion not being a part of our lives. We are all over 60 now and recently my wife and I were invited over for Easter dinner at my sister’s place. Suddenly, my brother-in-law starts saying grace. It’s not important to me, so I just sat there. After dinner was over, my sister said to me, “You could at least have bowed your head.”

Religion was never a part of our family and I felt it wrong for her to all of a sudden expect me to have to bend to their new beliefs. I don’t care if they say grace, it’s just not my thing. Your thoughts?
— No Grace for Me

No Grace: Ironic, isn’t it — that you were guests at this house for Easter dinner, which — last time I checked — is a Christian holiday. It’s simple good manners to respect other people’s faith practices, especially while in their homes. In my opinion, this respect can be demonstrated by sitting quietly while they say a blessing, and not judging them afterward. I don’t think it is necessary to bow your head, but would you bow your head if a blessing was being said at a sports stadium? If so, then you should do so at someone’s table.

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Comments

[conuly]

Both Miss Manners and the person who wrote to Miss Manners are delightful in their consideration for others.

As for Amy, there is no sign that LW2 was judging Sister or, more importantly, acting judgmental. And no, I wouldn't bow my head in a sports stadium. That is not a place that public prayer belongs. I'd be more likely to write a firm letter on the subject to the management.

Sister was very, very much in the wrong. The fact that Easter is a religious holiday has nothing to do with LW2's behavior.

[dissectionist]

Easter is a religious holiday for some folks and a secular holiday for others, regardless of its origin. If one is going over to a relative’s house who has previously celebrated it as a secular holiday, unless told otherwise in advance, it’s not unreasonable to expect that it would be a secular gathering again.

There was nothing to indicate that LW didn’t sit quietly, and nothing to indicate that LW judged their sister afterward. The issue was about LW’s sister insisting on religious observance from secular visitors.

[kiezh]

Inviting people for dinner, knowing that they're not prayer-at-dinner people, and then sniping at them after dinner for simply sitting through the prayer and not participating in some way - THERE'S an etiquette faux pas. LW2's sister needs a refresher on hospitality. And so does Amy, with that terrible answer.

[ethelmay]

I will just note that if sister had been bowing her head properly during grace herself, she wouldn't have known whether anyone else was doing so or not.

[torachan]

Ew, it's bad enough that the national anthem has become a fixture at sports games since 9/11 but I sure hope that prayer hasn't become common as well.

[falkner]

It sounds like LW2 didn't get asked to bow their head in advance and refused, but just chastised afterwards for not doing it?