Two letters on guests and prayer/church

[conuly]

1. Dear Miss Manners: I am expecting houseguests, and their visit will include a Sunday morning. Normal Sunday mornings for us include a church service; we only stay home if someone in the house is ill or the roads are unsafe due to weather.

Our guests will be invited to join us at church, but if they decline, ought I stay at home with them? Or is it acceptable to leave them at the house with a generous supply of coffee, pastries and the Sunday paper?

There is no need for you to skip church. Miss Manners assures you that a quiet Sunday, with ample provisions, is the answer to your guests’ wishes — if not their prayers.

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2. Dear Amy: All of the kids in our family were brought up with religion not being a part of our lives. We are all over 60 now and recently my wife and I were invited over for Easter dinner at my sister’s place. Suddenly, my brother-in-law starts saying grace. It’s not important to me, so I just sat there. After dinner was over, my sister said to me, “You could at least have bowed your head.”

Religion was never a part of our family and I felt it wrong for her to all of a sudden expect me to have to bend to their new beliefs. I don’t care if they say grace, it’s just not my thing. Your thoughts?
— No Grace for Me

No Grace: Ironic, isn’t it — that you were guests at this house for Easter dinner, which — last time I checked — is a Christian holiday. It’s simple good manners to respect other people’s faith practices, especially while in their homes. In my opinion, this respect can be demonstrated by sitting quietly while they say a blessing, and not judging them afterward. I don’t think it is necessary to bow your head, but would you bow your head if a blessing was being said at a sports stadium? If so, then you should do so at someone’s table.

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Comments

[full_metal_ox]

Furthermore, nothing in LW#2’s account suggests that they’d had any forewarning that their sister and brother-in-law had Gotten Religion (admittedly a fairly common development as people reach old age)—-which, among American cultural Christians, often entails the perceived duty to shove it at all comers.)

(LW1? You’re cool; you consider the preferences and comfort of your guests and are willing to live and let live. So are you, Miss Manners.)

[melannen]

Yeah, there's something to be said from a Miss Manners POV that if you accept an invite to a private function where you know there will be prayers, then bowing your head on request (or if you know it's expected) is showing basic respect for your host's faith. However that's not what happened here, what happened here is he went to his sister's for holiday dinner and got all of this shoved in his face with no warning, and then she sniped at him for not doing exactly what she expected without being asked. So he's definitely not the one in the wrong here.