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agonyaunt2024-11-15 09:52 am
minoanmiss) wrote in agonyaunt2024-11-15 09:52 am
Entry tags:
Care & Feeding: My Niece Keeps Passing Out...
..Her Dad Claims She’s “Doing It for Attention.”
My brother-in-law “Cyrus” is married to my husband’s sister. He’s blessed with great genes—he rarely gets sick. He believes it’s his diet and supplements, and that if other people copied his diet and lifestyle, they would also be ailment-free. Unfortunately, this means he has limited sympathy for other people’s pain. It was tough to watch him during his wife’s pregnancy and her postpartum depression afterward. We decided to limit time with them after conversations about sickness made no difference with him or his wife.
This year, their daughter Callie is in a big regional sports team with my daughter. She’s a sweet kid who works hard on the field and off. Unfortunately, the team and our kids hanging out means I’m seeing her parents in action. Callie has some type of undiagnosed menstrual issue, which means she sometimes passes out from the pain during her period. Her other symptoms around her cycle also seem concerning. As the closest responsible adult at practice, I’ve taken an unconscious Callie to the emergency room two times this season already. Her parents’ response is eye-popping; her dad argues she’s doing it for attention, or to get out of practice or school. That is not the case. She pretty much always tries to play through it and argues she can go back on the field after passing out.
With women’s health, you have to advocate if you want answers, and Cyrus had refused to sign off on or pay for any testing or diagnostics. His wife just stands there silently and doesn’t push back. Callie has asked me for help, but I don’t know what I can actually do here. More conversations with her parents? What do I say? I can’t take a 13-year-old to a gynecologist against her parents’ wishes.
—Watching a Car Crash
Dear Car Crash,
I urge you and your husband to talk to his sister without Cyrus present. Bring some resources to her about the kinds of serious conditions this pain might be symptomatic of (endometriosis comes to mind. Though of course it’s possible that it will be something else, even unrelated to her period, and will take a few specialists to diagnose.). It sounds like the big hurdle here is Cyrus, so assure your sister-in-law that he doesn’t need to be involved in the process or even know about the treatment. Only one parent needs to consent to let a third party take their child to the doctor (excluding abortion, which have different requirements by state). Offer to do all the legwork: Tell her you’ll find a doctor and take Callie to the appointments—and that you’ll keep this between Callie and her. All your sister-law will need to do is fill out some straightforward paperwork with the doctor’s office designating you as a trusted adult who is authorized to accompany Callie to medical facilities and, on her parent’s behalf, consent to treatment. Planned Parenthood might have experience with similar situations and would be a good spot to consider for this kind of exam.
If she’s against this plan, is there a dude in your life who Cyrus might listen to? I get the feeling he doesn’t put much stake in women’s opinions, and if sending a man in to be your mole works, so be it. Whoever you send in can follow a similar approach as the one I outline above. If all else fails and Callie’s parents continue refusing to get her care, as a very last resort you can consider calling child protective services (CPS) on Callie’s behalf and file a report—if a parent repeatedly fails to provide medical care for their child, that may very well fall under what the agency considers “medical neglect.” The state may intervene on Callie’s behalf and require her parents to get her the help she needs. Involving CPS is a challenging thing, though, so do not take that decision lightly.
While you work behind the scenes to get Callie’s family on board, keep reassuring her that you do believe her and are there for her to talk through how she’s feeling. Reaching a diagnosis can take time. In the meantime, countering the messages she’s receiving at home can do her a world of good.
My brother-in-law “Cyrus” is married to my husband’s sister. He’s blessed with great genes—he rarely gets sick. He believes it’s his diet and supplements, and that if other people copied his diet and lifestyle, they would also be ailment-free. Unfortunately, this means he has limited sympathy for other people’s pain. It was tough to watch him during his wife’s pregnancy and her postpartum depression afterward. We decided to limit time with them after conversations about sickness made no difference with him or his wife.
This year, their daughter Callie is in a big regional sports team with my daughter. She’s a sweet kid who works hard on the field and off. Unfortunately, the team and our kids hanging out means I’m seeing her parents in action. Callie has some type of undiagnosed menstrual issue, which means she sometimes passes out from the pain during her period. Her other symptoms around her cycle also seem concerning. As the closest responsible adult at practice, I’ve taken an unconscious Callie to the emergency room two times this season already. Her parents’ response is eye-popping; her dad argues she’s doing it for attention, or to get out of practice or school. That is not the case. She pretty much always tries to play through it and argues she can go back on the field after passing out.
With women’s health, you have to advocate if you want answers, and Cyrus had refused to sign off on or pay for any testing or diagnostics. His wife just stands there silently and doesn’t push back. Callie has asked me for help, but I don’t know what I can actually do here. More conversations with her parents? What do I say? I can’t take a 13-year-old to a gynecologist against her parents’ wishes.
—Watching a Car Crash
Dear Car Crash,
I urge you and your husband to talk to his sister without Cyrus present. Bring some resources to her about the kinds of serious conditions this pain might be symptomatic of (endometriosis comes to mind. Though of course it’s possible that it will be something else, even unrelated to her period, and will take a few specialists to diagnose.). It sounds like the big hurdle here is Cyrus, so assure your sister-in-law that he doesn’t need to be involved in the process or even know about the treatment. Only one parent needs to consent to let a third party take their child to the doctor (excluding abortion, which have different requirements by state). Offer to do all the legwork: Tell her you’ll find a doctor and take Callie to the appointments—and that you’ll keep this between Callie and her. All your sister-law will need to do is fill out some straightforward paperwork with the doctor’s office designating you as a trusted adult who is authorized to accompany Callie to medical facilities and, on her parent’s behalf, consent to treatment. Planned Parenthood might have experience with similar situations and would be a good spot to consider for this kind of exam.
If she’s against this plan, is there a dude in your life who Cyrus might listen to? I get the feeling he doesn’t put much stake in women’s opinions, and if sending a man in to be your mole works, so be it. Whoever you send in can follow a similar approach as the one I outline above. If all else fails and Callie’s parents continue refusing to get her care, as a very last resort you can consider calling child protective services (CPS) on Callie’s behalf and file a report—if a parent repeatedly fails to provide medical care for their child, that may very well fall under what the agency considers “medical neglect.” The state may intervene on Callie’s behalf and require her parents to get her the help she needs. Involving CPS is a challenging thing, though, so do not take that decision lightly.
While you work behind the scenes to get Callie’s family on board, keep reassuring her that you do believe her and are there for her to talk through how she’s feeling. Reaching a diagnosis can take time. In the meantime, countering the messages she’s receiving at home can do her a world of good.
no subject
To be clear, I think he should take her to the doctor. But I also think he (and everyone else in the world) should realize that "she's doing it for attention" doesn't mean what he thinks it does. It's a theory that's far more damning of his level of responsibility as a father than it is of her behavior as a daughter.