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Entry tags:
Care and feeding: spreading germs, illness
From Care and Feeding by Nicole Cliffe
Dear Care and Feeding,
While there is a long laundry list of ways my parenting style (and overall approach to life) differs wildly from my mother-in-law and sister-in-law, I’ll limit it to one issue in particular.
I firmly believe there is a difference between the inevitability of kids getting sick because kids and school and irresponsible parents who are lazy about germ spreading. Sending your kid to preschool with a low-grade fever because you can’t take off work without losing your job? Inevitable and normal, as much as it sucks for everyone.
Bringing your actively green-snotting and coughing kid to my house without warning, wiping said green snots with a napkin, THEN USING THE SAME NAPKIN SECONDS LATER to wipe my toddler’s mouth? Lazy. And gross. Which is exactly what my sister-in-law did, and exactly the type of thing she does regularly. My daughter gets an ear infection with every single cold, which means a trip to the doctor for antibiotics and time off work for me. Spoiler alert: This happened a few days ago, and we are both well into Cold Territory. Is it a huge deal? Of course not. But it was so easily preventable.
Also? My mother-in-law regularly SUCKS MY DAUGHTER’S THUMB because she thinks it’s “cute” since my daughter sucks her own thumb. I have always been a Type B, “whatever” kind of gal, but this makes me squirm. Why would anyone suck a child’s finger? Am I insane for thinking this is gross? Look, I kiss my kid on the lips 100 times a day, but this is just … yeeesh.
They have been doing stuff like this since my daughter was 3 weeks old, when she caught her first cold and had a close call with respiratory syncytial virus, which terrified the living daylights out of me and my husband. We generally keep a wide berth when we can, but since we can’t make it a permanent one (we do love them of course, and they live nearby), please tell me how I can politely address this with them. I have generally been rendered speechless when these things happen as my soul completely exits my body in dread, and plus I know they think I’m uptight (among other things), so I usually just limit my bitching to my husband, who agrees with me.
We’re expecting a second child this year, so I want to be firmer on my “Please don’t be careless about spreading germs. It’s actually not that hard to be conscious of other tiny humans” stance. But I don’t want to be an asshole.
—Not Into Hosting Typhoid Mary
Dear NIHTM,
That is … completely disgusting. THE SAME NAPKIN? Sucking the BABY’S thumb? What the hell! No, of course this is not acceptable conduct. Wow, what a great week for telling people to firm up their very reasonable boundaries!
Look, babies and small children really do get sick all the time, because their damp little hands and faces touch everything they come into contact with. Which is why we do what we can to minimize direct contact with people who are actively draining mucus out of their faces.
You think that being “the uptight one” makes it hard to say something, but my dear, it actually makes it easier. They’re always going to think you’re the uptight one, so DON THAT MANTLE GLADLY. Be more uptight!
If you are planning to visit, or they ask to visit you, ask if anyone in the group you’ll be seeing is sick. If they say yes, you can say you’ll reschedule. If they lie about not being sick, you get to get back in the car or usher them out to theirs. You do not bring sick children to someone else’s home unless in the direst of circumstances.
I am sure you do not need me to spell out to you the correct avenue for dealing with THUMB-SUCKING GRANDMA at this point, but I’ll do so anyway: “Mildred, don’t suck her thumb. It’s unhygienic.” Raise your voice if you get ignored. No one finds this behavior acceptable.
Having two women you have very little respect for believe that you are uptight is meaningless. You will be the uptight one who skips RSV.
Dear Care and Feeding,
While there is a long laundry list of ways my parenting style (and overall approach to life) differs wildly from my mother-in-law and sister-in-law, I’ll limit it to one issue in particular.
I firmly believe there is a difference between the inevitability of kids getting sick because kids and school and irresponsible parents who are lazy about germ spreading. Sending your kid to preschool with a low-grade fever because you can’t take off work without losing your job? Inevitable and normal, as much as it sucks for everyone.
Bringing your actively green-snotting and coughing kid to my house without warning, wiping said green snots with a napkin, THEN USING THE SAME NAPKIN SECONDS LATER to wipe my toddler’s mouth? Lazy. And gross. Which is exactly what my sister-in-law did, and exactly the type of thing she does regularly. My daughter gets an ear infection with every single cold, which means a trip to the doctor for antibiotics and time off work for me. Spoiler alert: This happened a few days ago, and we are both well into Cold Territory. Is it a huge deal? Of course not. But it was so easily preventable.
Also? My mother-in-law regularly SUCKS MY DAUGHTER’S THUMB because she thinks it’s “cute” since my daughter sucks her own thumb. I have always been a Type B, “whatever” kind of gal, but this makes me squirm. Why would anyone suck a child’s finger? Am I insane for thinking this is gross? Look, I kiss my kid on the lips 100 times a day, but this is just … yeeesh.
They have been doing stuff like this since my daughter was 3 weeks old, when she caught her first cold and had a close call with respiratory syncytial virus, which terrified the living daylights out of me and my husband. We generally keep a wide berth when we can, but since we can’t make it a permanent one (we do love them of course, and they live nearby), please tell me how I can politely address this with them. I have generally been rendered speechless when these things happen as my soul completely exits my body in dread, and plus I know they think I’m uptight (among other things), so I usually just limit my bitching to my husband, who agrees with me.
We’re expecting a second child this year, so I want to be firmer on my “Please don’t be careless about spreading germs. It’s actually not that hard to be conscious of other tiny humans” stance. But I don’t want to be an asshole.
—Not Into Hosting Typhoid Mary
Dear NIHTM,
That is … completely disgusting. THE SAME NAPKIN? Sucking the BABY’S thumb? What the hell! No, of course this is not acceptable conduct. Wow, what a great week for telling people to firm up their very reasonable boundaries!
Look, babies and small children really do get sick all the time, because their damp little hands and faces touch everything they come into contact with. Which is why we do what we can to minimize direct contact with people who are actively draining mucus out of their faces.
You think that being “the uptight one” makes it hard to say something, but my dear, it actually makes it easier. They’re always going to think you’re the uptight one, so DON THAT MANTLE GLADLY. Be more uptight!
If you are planning to visit, or they ask to visit you, ask if anyone in the group you’ll be seeing is sick. If they say yes, you can say you’ll reschedule. If they lie about not being sick, you get to get back in the car or usher them out to theirs. You do not bring sick children to someone else’s home unless in the direst of circumstances.
I am sure you do not need me to spell out to you the correct avenue for dealing with THUMB-SUCKING GRANDMA at this point, but I’ll do so anyway: “Mildred, don’t suck her thumb. It’s unhygienic.” Raise your voice if you get ignored. No one finds this behavior acceptable.
Having two women you have very little respect for believe that you are uptight is meaningless. You will be the uptight one who skips RSV.