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agonyaunt2025-04-01 10:19 am
minoanmiss) wrote in agonyaunt2025-04-01 10:19 am
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Dear Prudence: Help! Our Family Could Be Financially Set for Life....
...All We Need Is to Agree to My Great Aunt’s One Horrifically Annoying Condition.
My 98-year-old great aunt, “Gemma,” is in failing health and doesn’t have much time left. She never had children, but she is quite wealthy thanks to a hefty stock portfolio. She has a 6-year-old dachshund, “Alfie,” whom she wants provided for after she passes. Aunt Gemma has offered to make me her sole beneficiary on the condition that my husband, “Clay,” and I take Alfie upon her death and care for him for the rest of his life. Clay is all for it. I am decidedly against it. I don’t care for dogs to begin with, and this dog is yappy, high-strung, bad-tempered toward anyone other than Aunt Gemma, and destructive. He isn’t even completely housebroken. In addition, this breed of dog can live up to 15 years or longer, and we have a 9-month-old.
My husband thinks we can work something out where we will be able to keep them separated. Our child is only going to become more mobile as he gets older and I am not comfortable gambling with his safety. Clay says I’m “throwing away” a chance at financial security for our family, and it’s driving a real wedge between us. My instincts are telling me that having this dog around would not be worth it, but given the uncertain times we live in, I’m starting to wonder if my husband has a point and whether we really could find a way to accommodate Alfie. What should I do here?
—Dog Days Ahead?
Dear Ahead,
You should trust your instincts. For even the most organized, resourceful households, having an infant and a high-maintenance dog to care for at the same time is an exhausting reality. (Just read the viral essay from The Cut about how even the best pet parents start having very complicated feelings about their pets when there’s a baby in the picture.)
If you’re already not on board with this idea—and admittedly, your husband’s “solutions” are pretty lackluster—I think taking Alfie on strictly for the money is a disservice to both this dog and to your Aunt Gertie’s memory. I don’t think the money is worth the daily resentment—toward Alfie, and quite possibly toward your husband when things start getting chaotic. It’s not fair to Alfie either. He deserves to be in a home where he’s fully wanted.
I think you should be straightforward with Aunt Gemma: Tell her that, with a 9-month-old on your hands, you simply won’t be able to give Alfie the attention and care that she would want him to have. Thank her for her generous offer, and tell her you’d like to help find him a loving home after she’s gone. Perhaps she’ll kick you over a finder’s fee; perhaps not. But the best thing you can do for yourself (and your family) is to do right by her wish for Alfie to be well cared for.
My 98-year-old great aunt, “Gemma,” is in failing health and doesn’t have much time left. She never had children, but she is quite wealthy thanks to a hefty stock portfolio. She has a 6-year-old dachshund, “Alfie,” whom she wants provided for after she passes. Aunt Gemma has offered to make me her sole beneficiary on the condition that my husband, “Clay,” and I take Alfie upon her death and care for him for the rest of his life. Clay is all for it. I am decidedly against it. I don’t care for dogs to begin with, and this dog is yappy, high-strung, bad-tempered toward anyone other than Aunt Gemma, and destructive. He isn’t even completely housebroken. In addition, this breed of dog can live up to 15 years or longer, and we have a 9-month-old.
My husband thinks we can work something out where we will be able to keep them separated. Our child is only going to become more mobile as he gets older and I am not comfortable gambling with his safety. Clay says I’m “throwing away” a chance at financial security for our family, and it’s driving a real wedge between us. My instincts are telling me that having this dog around would not be worth it, but given the uncertain times we live in, I’m starting to wonder if my husband has a point and whether we really could find a way to accommodate Alfie. What should I do here?
—Dog Days Ahead?
Dear Ahead,
You should trust your instincts. For even the most organized, resourceful households, having an infant and a high-maintenance dog to care for at the same time is an exhausting reality. (Just read the viral essay from The Cut about how even the best pet parents start having very complicated feelings about their pets when there’s a baby in the picture.)
If you’re already not on board with this idea—and admittedly, your husband’s “solutions” are pretty lackluster—I think taking Alfie on strictly for the money is a disservice to both this dog and to your Aunt Gertie’s memory. I don’t think the money is worth the daily resentment—toward Alfie, and quite possibly toward your husband when things start getting chaotic. It’s not fair to Alfie either. He deserves to be in a home where he’s fully wanted.
I think you should be straightforward with Aunt Gemma: Tell her that, with a 9-month-old on your hands, you simply won’t be able to give Alfie the attention and care that she would want him to have. Thank her for her generous offer, and tell her you’d like to help find him a loving home after she’s gone. Perhaps she’ll kick you over a finder’s fee; perhaps not. But the best thing you can do for yourself (and your family) is to do right by her wish for Alfie to be well cared for.
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