ysobel: (Default)
masquerading as a man with a reason ([personal profile] ysobel) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt2025-02-05 02:35 pm

um

From yesterday's Miss Manners:

Dear Miss Manners: The other night, around 6 p.m., my mother-in-law came to our house without a call or text. Just randomly showed up and started talking to us in the dining room.

I was in the middle of cooking dinner, and had timed it so that I could do other things while the food was in the oven. However, that was interrupted when she came by.

After 15 minutes, I took the food out, added sauce and put it back in for an additional 5 minutes. She saw me do this, and instead of leaving since it was clearly our dinnertime, she pulled out a kitchen chair and sat down! I'm not sure how she failed to read the room.

What is the best way to let her know, without seeming rude, that she should call or text before just popping in?


MM: This was not just any guest, and the term mother-in-law carries often-unjust overtones that are irrelevant to your situation.

If your husband's mother wants to drop by unannounced and stay for dinner, and your husband is unwilling to toss her out, you are stuck. But Miss Manners does not see why this should ruin your night.

Set her a place at the table. After dinner, she can sit with the rest of the family while you go about your evening. If she is still around when the kids go to sleep, your husband can sit with her while you catch up on work — or on a good book.
cimorene: cartoony drawing of a woman's head in profile giving dubious side-eye (Default)

[personal profile] cimorene 2025-02-06 11:42 am (UTC)(link)
There are families where it's fine to drop in without warning and where it actually does happen, but it isn't okay for that to continue even if that's her husband's family culture if LW isn't comfortable with it!

It's her husband's responsibility to handle getting rid of his mother in that case (unless the LW is willing to just do it herself, which is less likely). I don't understand where he is in this story, and it makes a difference whether he's clueless, absent, or aware but making it her problem.